


Our Past Does Not Define Our Future

by Rehtaeh_Elocin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Accountant Castiel (Supernatural), Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Business owner Dean, Charlie Bradbury & Dean Winchester Friendship, Confessions, Dad Cas, Dad Dean, Explicit Sexual Content, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, In Cas' past, M/M, Making Up, Meddling Kids, Medical Emergency, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Past Child Abuse, Past Drug Use, Pining, Slow Burn, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, in the past, only talked about, passing of time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:27:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26856664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rehtaeh_Elocin/pseuds/Rehtaeh_Elocin
Summary: In highschool, Dean and Cas were together, in love, and happy, until something happened.Now, seventeen years later, and thrown back into each others lives, can they make it work again, or is what happened in the past too much to handle?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 21
Kudos: 155





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Today is my birthday, and I finished writing this, so I've decided as my gift to myself I'm going to post it.
> 
> Thanks to my lovely bestie MeenaMalfoy for your help, and my wonderful GISH family for your encouragement.

"And then Claire said 'I'll tell you where you can stick it. And... Dad, are you even listening to me?"

"Huh?" Dean pulls his eyes away from the laptop screen and looks at his daughter. "I'm sorry sweetheart, these numbers just aren't adding up. What were you saying?"

Emma sighs. "I was just talking about my new friend Claire. She just moved here, and she's awesome."

Dean smiles. His thirteen year old daughter is his world, but kids at this age are so mean. Emma is so much like her dad, she enjoys older movies, and music from before Dean was even born. She loves old cars, and spends weekends going to car shows with her dad. She'd rather spend her free time under the hood of a car than at the mall like most girls her age. All of these things add up to her not having very many friends. It breaks Dean's heart, but Emma never seems to care.

"That's really great honey... Wait, where was she telling someone to put what exactly?"

Emma bites her lip nervously, and shifts in her seat. "Some jerk kids were talking about her dad, some crap about him being gay, and she tore into them. It was awesome, dad. They had it coming."

Dean nods. "Sounds like they deserved it. I approve."

Emma smiles then. "I figured you would. Anyway, what I was getting at was that we already have a group project coming up, and I was wondering if she can come over tomorrow to work on it?"

Dean closes his laptop, and thinks about it. Tomorrow's Saturday, and he should be fine to be here to supervise. Not that he doesn't trust his daughter, but he doesn't know anything about this new kid. "I don't see why not."

Emma squeals her delight. "Yes, thank you daddy! I'm gonna go call her." She jumps up and runs out of his home office.

He laughs to himself. Freaking teenage girls, man. It doesn't take much to make them happy. Or maybe that's just his kid.

Dean's really happy that she's making friends. It's been just him and Em for so long that he wonders often if he's doing right by her. But she gets good grades, she never gets in trouble at school, and she seems genuinely happy most of the time, barring normal teenage girl stuff, so he figures he's doing something right.

Looking at the time, Dean pushes away from his desk. He really has to figure out the problem with his numbers, but dinner isn't gonna cook itself. 

*

An hour later he and Emma are sitting at the kitchen table, plates of chicken fettuccine in front of them.

"What's this project you two are doing?" Dean asks, twirling pasta onto his fork.

"Mmm" Emma swallows before talking, something she definitely didn't get from her father. "Its a science project. We're not sure yet, that's what we're gonna figure out tomorrow."

"What time is she coming over?"

"Her dad's gonna drop her off around nine, if that's okay. I guess he has some errands to run in the morning."

"Sure, that's fine. I can make lunch if she's staying that long. Burgers?" Dean asks, before shoving another too big bite into his mouth.

"Yes, definitely burgers. Thanks dad."

After dinner, the rest of their evening is spent on the couch together, watching a movie and throwing snacks back and forth at each other. A typical Friday night in the Winchester house.

\----

Cas sits on the floor of his room and pulls another box towards himself. They've been officially moved in since Monday, four days now, and it feels like the stacks of boxes are never ending. Once the box is open, he looks inside and sighs, standing and picking it up. He takes it down the hall and knocks on the door at the other end.

"What?" He hears shouted from inside.

Shifting the box to one arm, he opens the door with the other. "How about 'yes dad, come in.'"

Claire rolls her eyes at him from the bed, phone pressed to her ear. "Hang on a sec." She says into the phone, before looking at her dad. "Yes, dad. Come in. What?" She says, voice laced with sarcasm.

Cas rolls his eyes right back and huffs out a sigh. "One of your boxes was in my room." He says, hefting the box in front of him.

"Just throw it over there" Claire responds, gesturing to the side of the room where at least 3/4 of her boxes still sit, full.

Setting the box down, Cas turns to his daughter. "You really need to put this stuff away. That's what you're doing tomorrow." He says. When Claire tries to argue, he holds up a hand "no, it's been four days and you've done nothing to get settled."

Claire puts the phone to her ear again. "Hey, can I call you back in a few? Alright, thanks. Bye." She says, before ending the call and setting the phone on the bed next to her.

"I have a science project coming up and I really need to get together with Emma to plan what we're gonna do. I was hoping to go over tomorrow morning." She says.

"Who's Emma again?" He asks, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her.

"The only person worth talking to in the hell they call school around here." Claire replies with snark.

"Language." Cas says, giving her a stern look and receiving another eye roll in return.

"Look, dad. I've actually made a friend here. Please. I promise we'll be doing school work, and I'll unpack when I get home tomorrow."

Cas takes in his daughter. He knows he's being worked over, but he can also see the tension and sadness hiding behind her usual look of contempt.

He internally sighs, guilt washing over him yet again. "I know you're unhappy we had to move, and I'm sorry. I just really want you to try to settle in. I don't plan on us moving again any time soon."

Claire's facade slips just a little, before she pulls it back in place. "It's fine. I know it was necessary. Can I please just go?"

Biting his lip, he takes a moment and then nods. "Alright. I have errands to run anyway. I can drop you off about nine, and pick you up when I'm finished."

"Yes! Thank you." Claire says, and Cas can see a small bit of happiness in her eyes.

Standing up, Cas takes another look at the boxes. "At least try to put one or two away before dinner please." When she nods, he leaves the room and heads back to his own.

Sitting on the floor again, Cas pulls another box toward himself as he thinks. Coming back to Lawrence was never in his plans, and it's starting to bring a whole slew of memories and emotions, most of which are not pleasant.

His childhood sucked, teenage years even worse, and he can relate well to what Claire said about the highschool being hell. There was one bright spot in all of that, and even now all that thought does is bring a dull ache to his chest.

Staying in Illinois, no matter how much he wanted to for Claire, just wasn't an option anymore, and when Gabriel had suggested they move closer to him, what else was he to do? He just really hopes Claire doesn't hate him for it forever.

*

At a few minutes to nine, Cas pulls his old truck up to a two story white continental, with attached garage and walk up porch, complete with porch swing. Its the epitome of a suburban happy family house, and Cas feels a pang of longing for the stability this family must have.

"This is nice." Cas says, unbuckling his seatbelt.

"Yeah." Claire breathes out, before looking at her dad. "What're you doing?" She asks, as he reaches for the door handle.

"I'd like to meet them before sending my daughter in there." He replies, like that should be obvious.

"Come on, dad. Don't embarrass me. I'm fourteen, and you can clearly see they have their shit together." She says, gesturing to the house.

"Language, Claire. And I don't care, I'm not sending my child into a house with people I've never met."

Claire sighs, then turns her puppy eyes on him, as he internally groans. She doesn't use them often, so when she does they are quite effective. "Please, dad. This is the only friend I've made in a long time. I don't want to scare her away before I even have a chance for her to get to know me."

Cas checks the time and sighs. "Fine. But I want to meet them when I pick you up. No arguments."

"Deal" she says, enthusiastically, before quickly climbing out of the car and grabbing her bag, no doubt in a hurry to avoid him changing his mind. "Thanks dad!"

"I shouldn't be more than a few hours." He calls out as she slams the door and jogs up the path to the house. "Not that you care" he mumbles to himself.

The front door opens after a few moments and a young girl with long brown hair greets Claire with a hug. Cas smiles at the show of friendliness, and both the girls turn and wave at him before heading inside.

Letting out a breath, Cas pulls away from the house and steels himself for what is bound to be a very long and gruelling few hours.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean is sitting at the kitchen table with his laptop, hoping a change of scenery will help, when he hears the doorbell.

"I've got it!" Emma shouts, and he hears her footsteps running down the stairs.

He flips through the stack of papers next to him, and is comparing yet another set of numbers on the screen when Emma and her friend come into the kitchen. The girl has long blonde wavy hair, dressed in mostly black, with thick black liner under her eyes.

Dean is only slightly surprised that this is Emma's new friend. She's always been a very inclusive person, and though they seem like opposites, he knows that would never matter to her.

"Dad, this is Claire" Emma says, as Claire waves.

"Hello mister Winchester." Claire says.

Dean smiles at the politeness. "Hey. Please, call me Dean. It's nice to meet you."

"Yeah, you too. Thanks for having me over." Claire replies.

"Anytime, kid. You girls need anything before you get started?"

"We're good. Just gonna go up to my room." Emma says.

"Sure. If you need anything, just holler. I'll be here, stuck in an endless loop of numbers that don't add up." Dean says, shooting them a finger gun. Why a finger gun? He has no damn idea.

After an awkward silence in which he's sure the kids have no idea what to say to that, Claire says "Hey, my dad's an accountant. If, you know, you need help, he's good with numbers. He'll be here to pick me up later."

"Thanks Claire. If he ever needs work, send him my way. I hate this shi- stuff. Sorry, bad habits." Though he has no qualms about cursing in front of his own kid, he doesn't know how Claire's parents are about it.

Claire laughs. "Sure thing." She shoots him two finger guns back, then both girls turn and head back to the foyer and up the stairs, laughing as they go.

He likes her. Even though it was only about a two minute conversation, he can definitely see her and Emma being good friends.

*

It's 12:30, the girls have been in Emma's room all morning, and Dean figures they've got to be getting hungry, because he sure is. He collects all the ingredients for burgers, and is just mixing the spices into his meat mixture when the doorbell rings.

Wiping off his hands on his jeans, he makes his way to the foyer and opens the door.

It feels like the breath has been punched out of him, and he's lightheaded as he stares out at the man standing on his front porch.

"Cas" he breathes out, almost a whisper, as he sees recognition, surprise, then hurt flash through Cas' eyes before a mask comes up and covers every emotion.

"Hello, Dean."

Holy fuck. Cas was an attractive kid, beautiful with his messy hair and glasses, nose always in a book. But this Cas, the one before him, is definitely a man. Hair still a mess, piercing blue eyes still the same, but he is fucking hot with his five o'clock shadow and muscles straining against his button up, spring sun shining behind him like a goddamn beacon.

"What" Dean swallows hard. "What..." jesus christ pull it together man. "What're you doing here?" His voice barely wavers, and he calls that a damn win with the emotional turmoil going through his brain.

"I'm here to pick up my daughter." Cas says, and fuck if his voice didn't get deeper and sexier with age.

"Your dau- Claire. Claire's your daughter." Duh, obviously, who the fuck else would it be? Shit. 

"Yes. Is she ready to go?" Cas says, and he's doing a damn fine job of acting like he isn't nervous, but Dean knows better. Cas has the same tells he had way back when. Slight shifting on his feet, finger twitching by his side, eye contact avoidance.

"Uh, yeah, sure. You can, um, come in." Dean steps back and Cas enters while Dean closes the door behind him. "Hang on a sec." Dean takes the couple of steps to the stairs and yells up. "Emma!" while trying to keep his stupid betraying voice steady.

It takes a minute, but then Emma's at the top of the stairs looking down at them. "Claire's dad is here." He says to her.

"Okay daddy. We're just finishing something up. Can we have like fifteen minutes, please?" She says in her innocent voice.

Dean knows why, as the smell of nail polish wafts down the stairs. "School work. Huh?" He asks, smirking at her. She has the smarts to look a little guilty at least. "You'll have to ask Claire's dad, he's the one who's waiting on her."

Emma turns her eyes on Cas. "Hi mister Novak. We'll be quick, I promise."

"It's fine. Take your time." He says, and Emma grins as she turns around and heads back to her room. "I can just... wait outside." Cas turns toward the door.

"Dont be ridiculous. Come on." Dean says, and turns away to head down the hall back to the kitchen. Hes trying really damn hard not to freak out right now, and he doesn't think it's working.

It's been seventeen years since he's seen Cas, and barely a day goes by where he doesn't at least cross Dean's mind for a second. Guilt and sadness wash over him as he walks around the island, pulling the cutting board with the onions on it in front of him.

"You can sit" Cas is just standing in the doorway awkwardly, so Dean points at the stools on the other side of the island. Once Cas is seated, Dean asks "you want something to drink?"

"No, thank you. I'm fine." Cas replies, looking around the kitchen, out the window, anywhere that isn't Dean.

"How are you?" Dean asks, and isn't that one of five million questions Dean wants to ask. How has he been all this time, why is he here back in Kansas, who is Claire's other parent, are they still together, does he hate Dean for what happened? 'How are you' seems the easiest.

"I'm fine. And yourself?" Short clipped answers. Dean can't even blame him. He probably hates this, hates Dean, hates that he came here today.

"Good. I'm good." Dean says, lowering his head to watch as he slices the onion.

Silence. Deafening silence between them. It's uncomfortable, and Dean wishes he didn't live here so he could run out the door.

It feels like seven hours have passed when Cas finally speaks. "I was hoping to meet Emma's parents today, if she and Claire are going to be hanging out. Where is her mother?" The question seems awkward, almost forced out, and a pang of uncomfortable sadness he hasn't felt for this in a long time washes through him.

"I'd like to know, too." Dean mumbles to the onions. He sets the knife down and looks at Cas, leaning on his hands braced on the edge of the counter. "It's just me. Just me and Emma. Sorry to disappoint."

"I... That's not..." Cas sighs and lays his hands on the countertop. "I'm sorry." He settles on.

Dean shrugs. "It's been that way since Em was six months old. It's fine." He goes back to chopping onions and the strangling silence ensues once again.

"I'm making burgers, if you guys want to stay for lunch." He can't take the quiet anymore, and it would be weird to not invite them to stay since he was planning on making enough for Claire anyway. Who's he kidding, he always makes enough to feed at least six people. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he doesn't want Cas to go yet. The fact that he hasn't been in his presence in so damn long and he missed him, even though this is awkward and uncomfortable and about a thousand other things he can't name right now.

"I don't think-" Cas starts, but is cut off.

"Yeah, can we dad? Emma says his burgers are the best." Claire says, as the girls come into the room. He hadn't even heard them come downstairs.

Cas turns around to look at them, and Dean can see his shoulders sag a little as he let's out a breath. "You promised to unpack today."

"I will as soon as we get home." Claire says. "Come on dad, we have to eat."

Cas takes a moment, then nods. "I suppose so. I don't want any complaints when we get home though."

"I won't" Claire says, and as soon as Cas turns back around she rolls her eyes at him. Dean can't help the chuckle that escapes his lips, as he gets back to making lunch. Teenagers.

"What?" Cas asks, tilting his head slightly to the side, inquisitively. It is so damn familiar it makes Dean's heart stop for a second.

He mentally shakes himself out of it, and nods toward the girls who have settled at the kitchen table. "Kids. The second your back is turned, the true snark comes out."

Cas looks at the girls, then back at Dean, rolling his eyes as his lips quirk up in an almost smile. Claire most definitely takes after her dad.

"Y'all can go watch something, if you want. This'll take about a half hour." Dean says to the three of them. As much as he wants Cas right in front of him, he needs five seconds without his intense stare, because he can't think clearly with it. "You're welcome to stay here, but it's gonna be pretty boring." Dean's says to Cas.

Cas basically jumps off the stool. "I can go with the girls." Then he turns and follows them into the livingroom.

Dean takes a breath, then another, before getting back to work.

\----

Shit. Shit shit shit. Of all the friends Claire could've made, it had to be Dean Winchester's daughter.

Cas sits down on the couch, and contemplates how in the hell his life has come to this, sitting on Dean's couch, watching Dean's TV, with Dean's (and his own) daughter, while Dean is cooking in the other room.

When that front door had swung open, it was like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over his head. Dean, standing there looking grown up and more gorgeous than he had any right to.

Sitting there in the kitchen, taking everything he had not to stare at Dean, at his brilliant green eyes, his freckles, his toned body.

As these thoughts float through his head, he's reminded again, by the sadness that washes through him, of what had happened all those years ago.

They were perfect, Dean was perfect. It was only ten months, but they were the most life changing moments of his existence. Dean was his first everything. When he'd gone, just up and disappeared one day without a word, Cas didn't think he'd ever recover from the heartbreak.

Cas shakes himself out of his thoughts of the past, and back into the present. It doesn't matter. He's only here for Claire, and once this lunch is over, he never has to see him again. That thought makes his heart ache, but he pushes it down. He doesn't need that in his life again. A second time, he really probably wouldn't recover.

The girls are watching a show, and Cas doesn't realize how much time has passed when Dean's calling them back into the kitchen.

Just lunch, then they can go and he can never come back, he thinks as he follows the girls back into the kitchen. He's fulfilled his parental obligation to meet his daughter's friend's parents (or parent, he reminds himself) and he can stay away now.

And that's another whole topic right there. What happened to Emma's mother? Dean said they'd been alone since she was a baby. The man is single, as far as Cas can tell. He sighs to himself. Don't even go there. Not now, not ever again.

Cas settles at the kitchen table, across from Dean and with the girls on either side of him sitting across from each other. He doesn't know if this is better or worse than sitting next to him, because it's already been so hard to keep his eyes to himself today.

There's a plate set in front of each of them with a burger and what looks like homemade fries that smell like garlic and parmesan, and a platter in the center of the table with burger toppings on it. Cas watches as Dean loads his up with ketchup, onions, and pickles, exactly the same way he ate them in highschool.

When he looks up at Dean's face, Dean is watching him with a small smile, and Cas has to force himself not to return it by biting his lip. He looks away quickly, and layers lettuce, tomato, and onion, and a small amount of ketchup onto his burger.

Cas looks up again when Claire makes a happy noise. Mouth still full of food, she says "damn, this is good." Swallows, then says "why don't you ever cook like this?"

"Language, Claire, jesus. And swallow before you talk, I taught you better than that." Cas says. He hears Dean snicker, and shoots a glare his way, before turning back to Claire. "And I cook."

"Not like this, you don't." She replies, taking another large bite.

Cas suppresses the urge to roll his eyes for the hundredth time today, and digs into his own food.

It really is delicious, and Claire was not wrong, he definitely can't cook like this.

"So, did you guys figure out your project before you moved on to manicures?" Dean asks, giving his daughter a knowing look.

Emma, looking sheepish, replies. "Yeah, we did. We have a while until it's due, we just wanted to pick a topic."

"Awesome. You're welcome back here anytime, Claire." Dean says, looking at her.

"Thanks, Dean. I had a good time."

"Manners, Claire. Seriously, did I teach you nothing?" Cas says. It's embarrassing, is what it is. She acts like she's never been to someone else's house before. He supposes it has been a while. For either of them.

"What?! He told me to call him that!" Claire says, looking to Dean for backup.

Dean nods. "I did. She started on that whole mister Winchester shi- stuff, and I hate that."

Cas eyes Dean, to see if he's lying to cover for her, and when he sees he isn't, he apologizes.

Conversation stops for a bit after that while they all eat. When he's almost finished, Claire perks up and looks at him. "Oh, dad. Dean said he's having trouble with some numbers stuff and I told him you're an accountant and you're good at that kind of stuff if he wants some help."

Cas feels uncomfortable with this, but he's not sure why, that is his job, so he says "oh yeah?"

"Mhmm" Dean responds, finishing what's in his mouth. "This month's books for my shop. The damn numbers aren't adding up and I've been over it five hundred times."

Only one part of that stuck out. "Your shop?"

"Oh, yeah." Dean blushes a bit, and Cas isn't sure why, but the color definitely suits him.

When it seems like Dean isn't going to elaborate, Emma pipes in. "Dad owns a restoration shop, Winchester Restoration, over on Main."

Cas is impressed. Dean was always very good with cars, but his own restoration shop is really something. "That's really great." He says.

"It is." Dean responds. "Except for the whole being the owner means doing all the paperwork thing. I hate it."

"See. Dad can totally help you." Claire says. Cas stares at her, and she stares back. "Unless your errands worked out today." She says with a knowing look.

"How do you even-" Cas shakes his head. "Never mind."

"I'm a teenager, I know things. So?" She says.

"You don't have to, Cas. But if you did, I'd pay you. At this point, I'd pay almost anything not to look at this report again." Dean says.

"Weren't you wanting to get out on your own? You know, do the whole independent consultant thing?" Claire asks, not backing down. It's like she knows there's history here and is just pushing him to acknowledge it.

Claire is staring him down, and Dean is looking at him with an almost hopeful look, and Emma is just glancing between the three of them confused, and how the hell is he supposed to say no? Fuck. Just say no. No. That's it, one word. "Okay." He says instead. Damnit.

He really does need the work, as his errands (aka his job searching) that morning had, in fact, not panned out the way he'd hoped.

"Awesome. Thanks, Cas." The gratefulness in Dean's voice makes all his apprehension vanish. _Damnit_!

Cas pushes his basically empty plate away, and asks to see the work.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean's not exactly sure how this happened, as he brings his laptop and paperwork to the table. He'd actually completely forgotten about Claire's offer of her father's help when he realized Cas is her dad. Though, he's not gonna complain. Having someone figure this shit out for him, and possibly spending more time with Cas, it's a win win.

Flopping back in his chair in front of the laptop, Dean pulls up the program he uses and the current reports. Cas is standing behind him and to the side a bit, watching over his shoulder. He's actually really fucking close, so close Dean can feel the heat coming off of him along his back, and it's making him twitchy.

Dean explains, very briefly, what he uses and what needs done, before Cas interrupts him. "Yes, I've used this a lot. I can look it over and probably have it fixed by tomorrow, if you can be without your laptop for the night."

That surprises him, but it really shouldn't. Cas was always smart as hell.

"Yeah. Yes, that's fine. I don't need it till work on Monday anyway." Dean's staring up at Cas, and Cas is staring down at him, and they're just staring at each other for god knows how long before Claire clears her throat, and they both jump a little and look away. Cas takes a half step back, and Dean immediately wishes he hadn't, but he looks so nervous now it's probably for the best.

"I'll just, uh, go grab the laptop bag." Dean says, standing quickly and rushing out of the kitchen into his office.

He stands there, leaning against his desk, just breathing. What the hell was that? God, it's been so long since he's been subjected to one of Cas' intense stares, and it's left him breathless, heart pounding. How can one fucking look do that?

Once his breathing is back to normal, hopefully it was only a minute or two, Dean grabs the bag, scribbles his cell number on the back of one of his cards, and heads back to the kitchen.

He sets the card on the table, and starts packing up the laptop. "I put my cell number on there. You can just text me when you're finished, if you want." When Dean looks at him, he looks unsure again, like he did when Claire was offering up his help. "Or not. You could just have Claire let Emma know. Whatever works for you." Dean looks back to what hes doing with the laptop, ducking his head, and tells himself it doesn't matter if Cas doesn't want him to have his number.

He sees Cas' fingers, out of the corner of his eye, slide the card off the table. "No, I can text you." He says, as he pockets the card.

"Okay." Dean says, as he zips up the bag. "You guys are welcome to hang out if you want. I think Emma and I were just gonna watch a movie or something."

He sees Claire perk up, but Cas cuts her off before any words even leave her mouth. "Thank you for the offer, Dean, but I believe Claire has some boxes to unpack." When he gives her a look, she deflates but nods. "Thank you for lunch, but we should get going now."

When he looks to Claire again, she says "yeah, thanks." And she and Emma take off down the hall and out the front door, leaving Dean to walk Cas out.

Once they're on the porch, Dean turns to Cas. "Uh, thanks. For doing this." He says, gesturing to the bag slung over Cas' shoulder.

"It's no problem. It is my job."

Dean chuckles a little. "I don't know how, I can't stand the stuff. I dread it every month."

"Numbers make sense." Is the only answer Cas gives, but he sounds almost melancholy.

"Right." Dean replies. He wishes he knew what else to say. Wishes he could apologize for everything that happened, for making Cas hate him, and for making everything so uncomfortable.

"I'll have this back to you tomorrow. Goodbye, Dean." Cas says, and then he's walking down the steps.

"Bye Cas."

*

"Okay, why was that so weird?" Emma asks, the second the door is closed.

"What'd you mean?" Dean says, as he heads into the livingroom and flops down onto the couch. Avoidance is always Dean's best defense.

"You know exactly what I mean. That was weird, between you and Claire's dad. Why?" Emma sits down next to him. "Did you know him, before today?" Ah, leave it to his daughter to just know things she shouldn't. Damn observant child.

"Yeah, I knew him. We went to highschool together for a little while." There, that should be enough.

"It was more than that." Emma says, and when he looks at her she looks almost smug, which is a foreign look on his daughter. Claire must be rubbing off on her already.

Dean sighs, not really wanting to get into this right now, but knowing she won't give up easily. She's as stubborn as he is. "It was."

Emma stares at him, studying him, and he stares back, not backing down. Her face changes into one of discovery. "You loved him." She says quietly.

"Yeah, baby. I did." He replies, because he never could deny anything relating to Cas. Emma snuggles into his side, and his puts his arm around her. "So, you wanna watch a movie?" He's sure she'll want to know more, but for now he just needs to sit with these feelings, with the knowledge that Cas is back, and that their kids are friends.

\----

They climb into the truck silently, Cas starting it up and pulling out onto the road. He thinks he's avoided Claire asking questions, until they're halfway home and it starts.

"What was that?" She asks. He can see her watching him from the corner of his eye.

"What?" Trying for innocent, but missing by a long shot.

"That was awkward as hell dad."

"Language" is Cas' only response.

"Come on, I'm not blind or stupid. Emma could feel it, too. What happened?"

Cas sighs, resigned. "I knew Dean when I was seventeen, back in highschool. He lived here for a little while."

Claire turns her body to face him, and he can see a determined look on her face. "Was he mean to you? Did he pick on you? Is it because you're gay? What did he do?" She's shooting off questions, and it's endearing how she wants to protect him from an unknown force from so long ago.

"He didn't pick on me. And, trust me, being gay had nothing to do with what went wrong." He chuckles a little, memories flitting through his mind. Memories that are inappropriate for this conversation with his daughter. Inappropriate at any time really, but sometimes he can't help himself.

It's silent for a minute or two. "Oh my god! You guys dated!" When Cas nods affirmatively, Claire says "I didn't know he's gay."

"He's not. He's bisexual." Cas clarifies.

"Ahh. Still didn't know. So what the hel- eck happened?" Claire asks.

Cas rolls his eyes at her almost slip of the tongue. "It doesn't matter, it was a long time ago." If he's being honest with himself, it does matter. But, since he has no idea why what happened did happen, it's pointless to get into that right now.

"Come on dad, you can tell me." Claire pushes.

"I don't know what happened, okay? One day he was there and the next he was gone."

"Gone?" She pushes again, and he's about at his emotional capacity for the day.

"Yes, gone. Disappeared. Vanished. Never to be heard from again until this afternoon. Can we drop it now, please." Voice firm, not a request.

Claire turns in her seat until she's facing forward. After a moment of silence, she says "sorry, dad" and it sounds sincere.

"It's fine. I'm sorry I snapped at you, it's just a touchy subject." He can see she has more to say, but is holding herself back. "Fine, one more question. And only because his daughter is your friend, and I don't want this to affect either of you."

She ponders for a few moments, probably trying to come up with the best, most invasive question she can think of. "Did you love him?"

Cas sighs, pain radiating through his chest again. "More than anything."

*

Later in the evening, after purposely and blatantly ignoring the laptop bag he'd set by the front door on their way in earlier, Cas grabs it.

He's exhausted. After the emotionally trying lunch, the conversation with Claire, and attempting to get the house in some kind of order the rest of the day, all he wants is to go to bed. But, he said he'd get this done tonight, and it really shouldn't take too long. Claire's upstairs, hopefully unpacking, so he might as well take advantage of the quiet.

Cas settles into the couch, in his favorite flannel pajama pants, comfy tshirt, and a cup of tea on the side table. He pulls the laptop and paperwork out of the bag, sets it up on the coffee table, and gets to work.

He was right, and it doesn't take him that long. Within an hour and a half, he's found two places where the numbers were transposed, he's fixed it, and everything matches.

Putting the laptop away, he uses all his willpower not to go snooping through it. He's extremely curious about what Dean's life has been like, but he won't stoop to digging through his personal information without permission.

The only thing he's gathered, from the information he was given to do the job, is that Dean's shop does very, very well. Impressively well. Cas didn't realize how much money auto restoration brought it, but it makes sense. The cars are old, irreplaceable, and people want them done right. Clearly, Dean's good with his hands, good at what he does. He always was.

Cas cuts those thoughts off there. The last thing he needs right now is for those kinds of memories to flood his mind before bed. Or at any time at all, really. That's his past. Dean broke his heart, and he can't even think about approaching that again, no matter how long ago it was.

Heading upstairs, he peeks in Claire's room. She's already asleep, and it actually looks like she made decent progress on her boxes finally. He really hopes she gets settled easily, and knows that having a new friend will really help that.

As he climbs into bed and turns the light off, no matter how hard he tries not to, his last thoughts before he drifts off are of green eyes with gold flecks surrounded by laugh lines and freckles.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: talk of past drug use and death

After Cas stumbles out of bed at the bright and early time of 8am, downs his minimum 2 cups of coffee, skims the morning news, and wakes Claire up, he finally pulls Dean's business card out of his pants pocket where he'd tossed them on the floor the night before.

He enters the number in his phone, then stares at it for a solid five minutes while sitting on his bed, before typing a text out. He then proceeds to delete the text, write another one, and delete that one as well. This should not be that hard. Finally, he just types up something short and to the point, and hits send.

 **Cas** : Hello Dean, this is Castiel. I've finished your books and everything is in order.

He waits less than a minute, he assumes, because he's absolutely not watching the clock, before he receives a reply.

 **Dean** : Awesome. I can pick it up if you want.

That makes Cas extremely nervous. He doesn't even want to see Dean again, as much as he actually does want to. No, he'll drive it over, make Claire take it to the door, and never even look.

 **Cas** : That is unnecessary. I will bring it over shortly.

 **Dean** : Sounds good. Thanks!

Cas sets his phone down and flops backward onto the bed, letting out a breath. This is a nightmare. Just drop it off and leave, that's it. No more.

He finally drags himself back out of bed and grudgingly pulls on a pair of jeans and a tshirt. No reason to dress nice, he's not even going to see the man. Even if he was, he'd still have no reason to dress nice, at least that's what he tells himself.

He walks down the hall and knocks on Claire's door. "We're leaving in ten to drop that stuff off at the Winchesters."

"Alright, I'll be ready." Claire replies through the still closed door.

That was way too easy. Normally getting Claire out of the house any time before noon is a huge struggle, the day before being the exception, when she'd made the plans. Cas just shakes his head and hurries downstairs, determined to have at least one more cup of coffee before they leave.

*

For the third time in two days, Cas pulls up outside the beautiful white house.

Claire unbuckles her seatbelt, then turns to look at him when he doesn't turn the truck off. "What're you doing?"

"I'm not going. You're going to take the bag to the door, drop it off, then we're getting some breakfast." He says casually, pulling the bag from the back seat and handing it over. Or at least, tries to hand it over, but Claire won't take it.

"You're not going." Claire repeats, looking at him like he's grown a second head.

"I am not. There's no reason for me to." He tries, again, to pass the bag over, but Claire just crosses her arms.

"Fine, then neither am I" she says, with all the stubbornness she can muster.

Cas sighs and rubs a hand over his face. "Can we please not do this today? I'm really tired, and really not in the mood to fight with you."

"Dad, you're the one who's always telling me I can't hide from my problems. This is your problem, and you're hiding. I'm sorry, but you can't teach me to do something you're not willing to do."

Jesus, when had she gotten so good at using his words against him? "Haven't you ever heard the saying 'do as I say, not as I do'?" He mumbles, while resolutely turning the truck off.

As he unbuckles, he looks over at her and she has a smug smile on her face. "Knock it off, and get out of the truck." He says, opening his own door and stepping out, bag in hand.

They make their way to the door silently, and Cas feels vaguely like he's heading to his own execution, which is ridiculous. Okay new plan. Knock on the door, hand the bag over, and leave. Don't go inside, don't participate in small talk, _don't_ stare at him.

Cas rings the doorbell, and as soon as it's opened his entire plan goes to hell. Dean is standing there, and Claire barely says hi before she's pushing past him and up the stairs.

"Claire!" Cas yells after her.

"I'll just be a minute, jeez." She tosses behind her, not even slowing down.

"I swear, I taught her manners. I don't know what happened." Cas says, looking at Dean. That was his next mistake. In jeans, a tshirt and a flannel, he has no right to look as good as he does right now, and he can't help but stare. God, Cas has missed him.

"Teenagers. No matter how hard you try, their natural instincts kick in and everything you've taught them goes out the window."

"I suppose that's true." Cas replies.

Dean steps back and motions Cas inside, and for the trifecta of failed parts of his plan, he steps through the door. So much for that. Cas hands the bag to Dean, and he asks Cas to follow him back to the kitchen. When they get there, Dean grabs an envelope off the counter and hands it to him.

"I wasn't sure what you normally got paid, so I kind of googled it and made an estimate. If it's not enough, just let me know."

"It really wasn't a big deal, and only took me an hour and a half. You don't need to pay me." Cas says, trying to hand the envelope back.

Dean steps back, which Cas does not feel sad about, and puts his hands up. "Nope. You did the work, you get paid. You have no idea how much of my sanity you saved by doing that." Dean bites his lip, and Cas determinedly does not look at it. "An hour and a half, really? Man, I'd been looking at that shit since Friday morning."

Realizing Dean isn't going to take the money back, Cas folds the envelope and sticks it in his pocket, and Dean drops his hands. "I have a masters in financial accounting. It's what I've done for a living since college. Trust me, it wasn't that easy for me at first."

"I've had the shop for seven years, and I've done the books every month since we opened. It's definitely never gotten easier." Dean walks over to the fridge and pulls out a couple bottles of water, passing one over to Cas who moves to stand on the opposite side of the island, just like the day before.

"Seven years? Wow, that's impressive." Cas says with awe, then immediate clicks his mouth shut in embarrassment.

"Nah, not really. I could've opened it sooner, but, you know, single dad and all. Made it difficult."

Cas shifts around, wanting to ask so bad what happened. He's sure it wasn't the same as his situation, from the comment Dean had made the day before.

"Go ahead and ask." Dean says. When Cas looks up at him, he chuckles. "I can tell when you want to ask me something, so go ahead and ask."

"I was just wondering, what happened, to Emma's mother." Cas says. He knows he's crossing a line here, but he can't go back now.

"Ah, now that is the million dollar question." Dean says, and Cas just feels more confused. "It's kind of a long story, but I can give you the condensed version." Dean motions to the kitchen table, and they both take a seat before he starts.

"When I was nineteen, I got married to a woman named Lydia. That, in itself, is a complicated mess." Dean looks off into the distance, like hes remembering. "Anyway, not long after that, she got pregnant. It wasn't on purpose, but I'd always wanted kids, so I was happy. Turns out, Lydia was not. She wanted to get rid of it, but I convinced her not to."

Cas looks over toward the hallway, worried about the girls overhearing.

"Emma knows all of this, I've never hidden it from her. She knows I always wanted her, and that's what matters." Dean says, and Cas admires that greatly.

"So, we had Emma, and I couldn't have been happier with her, but Lydia wasn't meant for motherhood. She was always gone, and even when she was home it was like Emma didn't exist to her. I hated going to work, worried about what would happen while I was out."

Dean sighs. "I came home from work one day, and she was just gone. Emma was with a babysitter, some teenager I didn't even know, and there was a note. It basically said sorry, I never wanted the kid, yeah that's what she called her, and only did it to make you happy, and it's my turn to be happy. We haven't heard from her since, aside from divorce papers and court papers assigning me full custody, that arrived in the mail a few weeks later with no return address."

Cas' heart hurts for him. And for Emma. What kind of mother wouldn't want her own child? "I'm so sorry." It's the only thing he can think to say.

"Hey, I got Emma, and that's the only thing that mattered. I didn't love Lydia, and she wasn't any sort of mother, so it was no big loss. It just made things a little harder. All worth it in the end."

Cas wants to ask why he married her if he didnt love her, but he's already crossed so many lines in this one conversation. "She's really lucky to have you."

Shrugging, Dean takes a drink of his water. "I do what I can. We moved back here when Em was two. Sam had just gotten out on his own and came back, so I figured why not. For being an eighteen year old kid in college, he was actually a huge help."

"What about your dad?" He was hesitant to ask, with how shitty a father he had been, but he was curious.

"Disappeared after Sammy moved out. Died a few years later, alcohol poisoning." Dean looks down at the table, picking at a spot in the wood. "I used to think people vanishing on me was my punishment for what happened." He says quietly.

Cas doesn't know what possesses him to do it, but he reaches over and lays a hand over Dean's on the table. It's warm, and rough, and a shiver runs through him at the contact. He only leaves it there for a moment before pulling his hand back and putting it in his lap, but the connection was made, the comfort given. As much as Cas hurt over Dean leaving, Dean never deserved the same to happen to him.

He wants to ask what happened, why he left, why he didn't say anything. He wants to know so badly, the words are on the tip of his tongue. But the moment passes, and Cas just doesn't have the nerve to ask. To know why the man he loved left him without even a note.

"Anyway, that's about it. It's just been me and Emma. And Sam, of course. He's married, has a couple of kids of his own. Became a lawyer, no big surprise there."

"He always was very good at convincing people of things." Cas says, chuckling at his memories.

"Yeah, he's great."

Cas knows what's coming next, because it would only be fair for him to share his story as well. That doesn't make him any less nervous when Dean asks.

"What about you? You don't have to tell me, I understand if it's too personal." Dean says, and he's so sincere about it that Cas knows he really has to.

"That, too, is a long story. But it seems as if my daughter is not coming back any time soon, so I guess we have time." Cas bites his lip and shifts around to get comfortable.

He looks away, because it's always hard to talk about. "After you..." he swallows, gathers himself, and starts again. "After, things were pretty bad. I finished out highschool, but it was a rough time. You know how my family was. I decided to push college back a bit, and worked with my dad in the church. I was living, but not really living, you know? I had pressure from them about everything, not least of all was the insistence to find a 'nice girl to settle down with'." Cas rolls his eyes at that.

It wasn't like they had any idea that Cas' entire world had crumbled around him. They didn't know about Dean, and they sure as hell didn't know he liked men.

"I'd had enough after that first year, and went to college just to get away. Honestly, the first semester of my freshman year is a haze of too much pot and alcohol." Cas chuckles a little at Dean's look. He was never one for partaking in anything like that back in highschool, and he's sure it surprises him.

"So, I was still under pressure from my parents, and just hanging on through school. Honestly, I was a mess." This is the awkward part. Hell, the whole rest of the story is the awkward part really. "So I thought, fuck it, maybe it is just a phase and I can make myself like women. I didn't want anybody after you, so why not try?" He sees a flash of guilt pass through Dean's face, and looks away from it.

"I went to this party with some people I hung around with a lot, one of which was a woman named Amelia. I knew she was interested, but I never encouraged it until that night. Someone had coke, and again, I figured why the hell not, fuck it all, and I had some."

"Damn, Cas. I'm sorry." There's so much anguish in Dean's voice that it actually hurts. Dean knows this was all because he left, and Cas can't find it in himself to reassure him, because it's true, though it's really his own fault for letting it get that bad and not just moving on like every other person after a breakup.

"We ended up back in my room." Cas puts his head down, and rubs his forehead with his hand, the beginnings of an emotional headache coming on.

"Hey, you dont-" Dean starts, but Cas cuts him off.

"It's alright, it's just embarrassing really." Cas says with a self deprecating laugh. "We were in my room, and I couldn't... Nothing was working. I had to use memories, and I was on enough shit that it worked, and isn't that just sad?" Cas drops his hands back to the table and looks out the window. "Afterward, she wouldn't talk to me. She was pissed."

"Why?"

Cas flicks his eyes to Dean, then away quickly. "I may have, uh, said someone else's name at a very inopportune time."

It was definitely more intense than that. Cas can remember it clearly, even now, even through his coked out haze of that night. He'd used his memories of Dean to get up, and stay up. Kept his eyes closed the whole time, imagining. And when he came, he'd shouted Dean's name, muffled into her soft skin. She'd stormed out after that, and he passed out not even feeling guilty about it.

"Ah, yeah. Been there." Dean says, and Cas flicks his eyes back to Dean to see him blushing.

"After that, I knew there was no changing anything. I'm gay, and that's just how it is." Cas shakes his head, and looks down again. "The next time I really saw her, she was pounding my door down and telling me she's pregnant. I had been so high that night, I didn't even think about protection. The only person I'd ever been with was you, and so it didn't even cross my mind."

"I got my shit together after that. She wanted to keep it, even knowing that I could never be with her that way, and I was on board."

Now for the sad part. "There were complications all through the pregnancy, and the delivery was terrible. She, uh... She didn't make it. They saved Claire, but there was no coming back for Amelia. She knew it too, going in. Told me that whatever happened, I needed to be there for Claire. Of course I would be, but I had no idea it was that bad, and I don't know how she knew she wouldn't make it. She just wanted her child to live."

"As much as my parents disapproved of having a child out of wedlock, their help is the only reason we made it. I think, because Amelia had passed, they were more accepting. I was able to finish school, and give Claire the best life I could. Unfortunately, once it came out that I'm gay, and that had to happen eventually, they cut off all contact and we haven't spoken since."

"Jesus, Cas." Dean's voice is choked up, and when Cas looks at him he can see the sadness in his eyes. "Fuck, I am so sorry. For everything."

Cas waves a hand up in dismissal. "It's fine. Everything worked out. I have Claire, and she has me, and as you said before, that's what matters."

"I know, I just wish-"

"Seriously, Dean. It was a long time ago." Cas is emotionally drained, and doesn't think he can take any more of this today. "It's over and done."

Dean nods, looks like he wants to say more but doesn't.

They sit in silence for a while, Cas unsure of what else to say, before the girls come into the kitchen. He looks over at them and notes Claire's face is red and she looks sad.

"Hey, you alright?" He asks her.

He watches as she pulls her usual sarcastic expression over her face. "Yeah, I'm great." She says. "Sorry it took so long, we got caught up talking about our project."

Cas can feel some sort of lie in there, but he doesn't push it. He just doesn't have the energy right now.

"Alright. You ready to go?" He asks, standing up. He hears Dean get up behind him and move around the kitchen.

"Yep. Oh, hey. Dad and I are going to breakfast. You guys wanna come?" Claire asks, and Cas panics. He doesn't think he can deal with any more Dean today.

When his gaze flits over to Dean, he's sure his emotions are plain on his face. Dean takes one look at him, and turns to Claire with a forced smile. "I've got some work to do, actually. But Emma can go if she wants. If that's okay with Cas."

Cas gathers himself, and forces his own smile. "Yes, that's fine. We're happy to have you." He says, and is proud of how steady his voice is.

Claire and Emma both look concerned for a second, but it passes quickly, and Dean is handing Emma money and they're heading out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

Jesus fucking christ he fucked Cas' life up so bad. Dean throws himself back on the couch and let's the guilt wash over him from the knowledge that he sent Cas into a downward spiral of drugs and alcohol that lead to him doubting who he was.

He'd loved Cas, and he was sure Cas had loved him back, but he figured after enough time had passed Cas would've moved on. He was brilliant, beautiful, and so determined, anybody would've been lucky to have him.

God, he wishes. He wishes there had been another way. That he could've stayed, been with Cas, shown him how much he was loved for who he was. He wishes things had been different for them. Even though he doesn't in some ways. If they had been different, if he had been able to stay, he wouldn't have Emma and Cas wouldn't have Claire. He just wishes he could've saved Cas all that pain.

Logically, Dean knows it wasn't all his fault, but that doesn't stop the pain and guilt from burrowing into his soul.

He needs to talk to someone. The only person, aside from Sam, who knows what happened. His best friend.

 **Dean** : I need to talk. You busy?

He didn't have to wait long for a reply.

 **Charlie** : TALK?! You? This must be serious. Not busy, want me to come over?

 **Dean** : Yes

 **Charlie** : Be there in 10

Dean sets his phone down and stews in misery for the next ten minutes. 

*

By the time Charlie gets there, Dean's worried he's about to be in full blown panic attack mode he's worked himself up so much. She ushers him outside without a word, parks him on the swing, then disappears back into the house reappearing a few minutes later with some tea. He hates tea, but it's usually effective so he drinks it.

Charlie sits next to him, gives him a minute, then gets right to the point. "Alright, what happened and where's Emma?"

"Emma's with a friend." Dean replies, then takes another sip of the tea before setting it down and turning to her.

"You look like shit."

"Yeah, I know, thanks." Dean takes a breath, runs a hand down his face, and talks. "Do you remember a while back, it's been a long time now, I told you about Cas? From highschool?"

She doesn't even think about it before nodding. "Of course. The Love Of Your Life." She says it like it's Cas' official title, which almost makes him laugh.

"Yeah, yeah that's him. Well, he's back. Here in Lawrence. He moved back last week." He watches as Charlie's eyes get bigger the more he goes on. "Not just that, but his daughter, he has a daughter, is Emma's new best friend. So, yeah, I've seen him a couple times."

"Like seen, or _seen_ seen?" Charlie says, and it shows how long they've been friends that he knows what she's trying to say.

Then it's all spilling out. "Just seen, one seen, the regular one. He came here to pick her up yesterday and I about got knocked on my ass with surprise when I opened the door. Then I invited them to stay for lunch. Then Claire, that's his kid, offered his help on the books for the shop cuz I mentioned having issues with them this month, and apparently he's a number genius or some shit. Then, he did the work last night and brought it back here today and we talked for a while about some deep shit. And _now_ Emma's at breakfast with them because Claire invited us, but you should've seen his panicked face when she did so I told them I had work to do and sent Emma along. And you should see him. God, he's like Doctor Sexy meets Indiana Jones meets Batman meets Chris Evans all rolled up into the one that got away. Jesus Charlie, what the fuck do I do?"

Charlie contemplates for a moment, then gets right to the root of it, in true Charlie fashion. "What did you talk about today?"

"He wanted to know what happened to Emma's mom, so I told him, the shortened version of course. Then he told me about Claire's mom, and essentially told me I fucked up his entire life."

"He did not say that."

"No, he didn't. I figured that part out myself based on the story he told me."

"What exactly did he say?" She asks, with her concerned Charlie face.

Dean sighs. "It's really personal, but basically after I left he went on a year and a half bender, fucked some chick to try to make himself not gay, and got her pregnant on accident. God, I totally fucked him up."

"Does he seem unhappy with his life?" She asks.

"No, not really. I mean, he says he has Claire and that's what matters. But what happened after I left-"

"That wasn't your fault." She interrupts him.

"It was enough of my fault for me to feel like complete shit after he told me all that. Even worse than I did before."

"Dean, you couldn't help what happened." She says grabbing his hand. "There's nothing you could've done that wouldn't have ended poorly. You just took the option that resulted in the least amount of pain."

"Maybe for me, but not for him."

"You don't know that." It's Charlie's turn to sigh. "Look, that was years ago. You're both different people now. Maybe you could, I dunno, try again?"

"Hah, yeah, right. You should see the way he looks at me. It's a mix of hurt and anger and something else, like panic, like he wants to be as far away from me as possible."

"You should tell him."

"What?!"

"You should tell him what happened, back then. Why you left." She says like it's the most logical option. But it's not an option.

"No."

"Dean-"

"No, Charlie. I don't want to talk about it. You're right, it was a long time ago. But I still can't-" Dean swallows around the lump forming in his throat. "I just can't."

"You were just a kid."

Dean nods. He knows. He knows there was only so much he could've done, but it doesn't hurt any less. "I know." He says quietly.

They sit there for a while, Dean soaking up the comfort Charlie is offering. She's always been good at that. Even without any more words, he's already feeling better just by her being there.

\----

Cas spends the whole drive back from the diner not, for once, thinking about Dean. His mind is on the waiter, Asa. He hasn't been that blatantly hit on in a very long time, especially with his daughter there.

He was even more surprised when the guy slipped him his number while he was paying. When he'd turned around, Claire looked angry, which was strange because she's never seemed to have a problem when he's dated. Though, Cas supposes, he really doesn't do it often so it's very hard to judge what Claire thinks about it in general.

The man was attractive, and very nice. And he didn't seem to have a problem with the whole 'I have a kid' thing, which is hard to come by, especially when your kid is a surly teenage girl.

Maybe, just maybe, this is what he needs.

The girls have spent the entire time, and he means the entire time from the second the truck started, talking. Apparently Emma's birthday is coming up and she's having a sleepover. That's about as much as he got out of it.

When Cas finally pulls up outside the house, he is just very ready to get home and possibly take a nap.

Cas puts the truck in park, and Emma squeals. "Oh my god, Charlie's here!" She says, and Cas' head whips over to look at the porch, where Dean is sitting on the swing with a petite redheaded woman. "You have to meet her!"

"Yes, I do. She sounds amazing!" Claire says, reaching for the lever to push the passenger seat forward.

"Claire, I dont-" Cas starts, but she's already got the seat up and is climbing out.

"Come on, dad. Just for a minute, please? Emma's told me all about her, and I really have to meet her. Besides, you'll want to meet her too. She'll be here for Emma's sleepover."

A stab of unwanted jealousy spears through Cas' chest, and he reluctantly climbs out of the truck to follow the girls up the path.

By the time he's climbing the stairs, Dean and Charlie are on their feet, Charlie has already hugged Emma and is pulling Claire into a hug of her own.

The girls are talking Charlie's ear off, and Dean is looking at him with something unreadable, and he just wants to go home.

Charlie pulls her eyes away from the girls, and sets them on Cas. "Holy blue eyes, batman. You are one hot dude." She says, and Cas can feel his face grow warm.

She takes the couple of steps toward him, and pulls him into a hug that feels like she's trying to squeeze his breakfast out of him. It's awkward and he's uncomfortable, but he put his arms loosely around her anyway and pats her back. "Hello." He says, and it even sounds awkward. How can one word sound awkward? Cas sure as hell knows how to do that without even trying.

Charlie pulls back and looks up at him. "Cas, right? I've heard so much about you." He sees Dean throw her a look that he can't decipher, but she just barrels on. "I'm Charlie, and I'm so happy to meet you. Sorry if I embarrassed you, I tend to do that, but I just thought you should know you're hot."

"Uh, thank you." He says, almost like a question.

"Wow, okay, nice. I get the batman comment now." Charlie says, and he has no idea what to make of that.

"Charlie" Dean hisses, and she throws him a look but turns her smile back on Cas.

"I'm sorry, again. I'm not hitting on you, I swear." And that's a relief. "I just always figure we should compliment each other, you know? Make the others feel good. Dean doesn't understand, cuz he's not. Not exactly, anyway. Us gays gotta stick together, right?"

Cas is extremely annoyed at the amount of relief that flows through him at knowing she's gay. That this is not someone Dean's dating. Though he shouldn't feel relief, none at all, because it doesn't matter. At least that's what he tells himself.

"Umm, yes, I suppose so." He says, and is proud of himself for giving nothing away.

"Yes, exactly!" Charlie's says, punching him lightly in the arm. "Annnnyway, I'm Dean's bestie, but I always have room for more, and I think you and I are gonna be good friends."

This woman is a whirlwind of energy, and Cas really actually kind of likes it. It's refreshing, having someone be so exuberant.

"I hate you." Dean says to her, and she laughs.

"Oh hush, you do not. You love me. What would you even do without me?" She replies.

"I'd be a LARPing virgin for one, which I could most definitely live with." Dean says, but he has a teasing smile on his face. Cas has absolutely no idea what that means, but seeing Dean smile so fondly at someone makes butterflies flutter in his stomach.

Forcing his eyes away from Dean, he looks around and realizes his daughter is no longer on the porch. Dean, seeing what must be a puzzled look on his face, replies to it. "The girls slipped inside while Charlie was attacking you."

"So much for one minute" he mumbles. "I'm sorry, I was just going to drop Emma off and leave, but she insisted we meet you Charlie. I didn't mean for us to intrude."

"You are absolutely not intruding on anything." Charlie says, linking their arms together and steering him to the swing where she lightly pushes him down onto it before sitting next to him.

"I'm just gonna go check on the girls." Dean says, hooking his thumb over his shoulder. "Be nice." He says to Charlie, before going inside.

He knows he should feel uncomfortable, sitting here with someone he doesn't really know and had never met before five minutes ago, but Charlie has the kind of personality that just puts people at ease, and Cas relishes in it.

"Uh, so, you've heard things." Cas says. He wonders what she knows. If she just knows about what's happened the last couple days, or if she knows all of it, from so long ago. So, he asks, because she seems like the kind of person to just be straightforward with. "What do you know about me?"

"Ah, well, you see... Dean and I have been best friends for about eleven years now, so I kind of know everything. But please don't get upset. For one, he didn't think he'd ever see you again. And two, it took a rare free night and lots and lots of alcohol for him to tell me anything. He doesn't like to talk about it."

Cas shifts nervously. She said everything, so does that mean she actually knows _everything_ everything? He wants to ask, god does he want to. It would not be appropriate at all, and he really should just ask Dean, but this somehow seems easier.

"Do you know why" Cas coughs to clear his throat, shifts around, he can feel his finger twitch against his thigh. "Why he left? Why he didn't say anything?"

He dares to look at her after it's been silent a moment, and she looks so sad, he doesn't know what to make of it.

She sighs. "I do, but it's not my place to say. I told him to tell you, but like I said, he doesn't like to talk about it."

He has about a million other questions he wants to ask, but he won't. He can't bring himself to do it, because he knows he wouldn't get any answers anyway. She's loyal to Dean, and that's admirable, but he wants to know.

So, he just nods. "Thank you for being honest with me" he says.

"Look, I'll tell you this" she says quietly, and Cas holds his breath. "I think you'd understand why he did it. You've just gotta give him time. And push him, but not too hard. I love him, I do, but he's a stubborn ass at times."

Cas can't help it, he chuckles. "Yes, he's always been that way.

They sit in companionable silence until the door opens and the girls come out followed by Dean.

"Sorry, mister Novak, for pulling Claire away. I wanted her help on ideas for my party, but I should've asked you first." Emma says, looking contrite.

"It's alright, no big deal. You know, you can call me Cas, if you'd like." Cas says, and notices a pleased smile on Dean's face. "We should head out though. You have school, and I have more errands to run tomorrow."

"Can't you just call it what it is?" Claire says, with an eye roll.

"Fine, I have job hunting to do, happy?" Cas replies, standing up. "It was nice to meet you Charlie. I'm sure I'll see you around."

"Definitely! We'll have to get together for a game night or something sometime, it's a blast." She says.

"Sure, sounds like fun." Cas replies. As he walks to the stairs, he says "goodbye Dean" and is already halfway to the truck when Dean responds with his own goodbye, and he hears Charlie says "and there's the Chris Evan's reference."

*

Later that night, as Cas is taking off his jeans to change into pajamas, two things fall out of his pocket. The first is the phone number of the guy from the diner, and Cas smiles to himself as he sets it on his dresser.

The second thing is the envelope Dean gave him. He feels a little guilty for taking the money, as the work had really already been done and all he had to do was find the mistakes. But honestly, he could use it. He'd been to a few small independently owned shops around town the day before trying to get the word out there about what he does, but no one seemed to need an accountant currently.

Cas opens the envelope and pulls out a check, then shakes his head and grabs his phone, typing out a text to Dean.

 **Cas** : Are you aware that you paid me for at least five hours of work when I only did an hour and a half?

 **Dean** : Nah, you earned that.

Cas: It is far too much and I can't take it.

 **Dean** : Seriously, I told you I would've paid almost anything not to look at those damn numbers again and I wasn't joking. If it makes you feel better, call it a first time bonus.

 **Cas** : First time?

His responses had been coming almost immediately, so when the next one takes a couple of minutes Cas gets a little concerned. He busies himself finishing getting ready for bed, then grabs his phone as he climbs in and sees a couple of messages.

 **Dean** : I hate doing the books, and if Claire was serious when she said you were looking to go into independent consulting, then I'd like to hire you to do them from now on.

 **Dean** : Only if you're interested and if that won't be too weird.

 **Dean** : I can even have Sam write up a contract, so it's all legit and legal.

 **Dean** : But you don't have to. You know, if you don't want to.

Cas can't help the smile that spreads across his face. Damnit, why does the man have to be so cute?

It would be a little weird, and he'd have to spend more time with Dean, which he really shouldn't do. He really really shouldn't. But he wants to. And he needs the work.

 **Cas** : I would like that, thank you.

 **Dean** : It's no problem. You're actually doing me a huge favor. I hate hiring people, especially when I don't know if they're good at what they do. So thank you.

Before he can respond, another message comes in.

 **Dean** : Oh, earlier I was talking to Bobby Singer over at Singer Salvage and Auto, I worked there for a few years when I first moved back. Apparently he's been looking for someone to do his books too. Says he's getting "too old for that shit" lol. I may have told him about you, and he said to tell you to give him a call or just drop by anytime they're open.

So basically, he's just gotten 2 jobs, thanks to Dean, while sitting in bed, when he'd been around town for over three hours the other day and got nothing.

 **Cas** : You didn't have to do that, but I really appreciate it. I will stop by there tomorrow.

 **Dean** : And Ellen Harvelle, at the Roadhouse. I hear she just fired her guy for stealing, so stop in there too. I worked there as well, and Ellen's a hardass but she's really great.

Cas shakes his head to himself. This is crazy.

 **Cas** : Thank you Dean.

 **Dean** : Anytime

Setting his phone aside, Cas turns the lamp off and slides down in the bed, pulling the sheets over himself. For the second night in a row, he can't banish the thoughts of Dean.


	6. Chapter 6

Cas takes Dean's suggestion, and heads to Singer's the next morning after getting Claire off to school and consuming copious amounts of caffeine.

Bobby is a surly old man with a dirty baseball hat and a gruff voice, but needs no more than Cas' name before he's offering him the work and saying he'll have a contract drawn up. Cas is in and out of there in about twenty minutes, and is stunned as he starts his truck and heads over to the Roadhouse.

He doesn't really think about the fact that it's just after 10 in the morning and they're probably still closed until he's pulling into the parking lot, but there's a neon sign in the window that says open so he parks and goes inside.

Ellen is a woman probably in her fifties with graying hair and a sharp but motherly voice, who's arguing with a blonde woman behind the bar when Cas walks in.

Once he introduces himself, Ellen tells him that Dean's already told her all about him and he's got the job if he wants it. They discuss basics, and she tells him to come back in a few days to sign some papers. Once again, within a half an hour, he's back in his truck in shock.

These are clearly people that know Dean well, and respect his opinion, and Cas is really wondering why Dean would put his neck on the line for him when he's only seen a tiny portion of the work he can do.

He wonders if this is some sort of guilt fueled need to make things right on Dean's part, but he won't look a gift job in the mouth when it means he can pay the bills and the rent and keep food on the table. His savings have been dwindling fast, and now he doesn't have to stress about it as much.

At this point, Cas doesn't know what to do with himself. He'd figured these two 'interviews' would take most of the day, and if they didn't pan out he would hunt around some more. He never expected to be offered two jobs in an hour, plus the one Dean offered him last night. It's a really good feeling, having this off his shoulders.

Cas decides to go visit Gabriel, as he hasnt seen him since the first day they were in town. About five years ago, Gabriel opened a coffee shop slash bakery called Bean There Donut That (nicknamed The Bean by townies, according to Gabriel) downtown, and Cas has yet to see it.

While he drives, Cas starts to wonder. If Dean's shop is over on Main, that means he's really close to where The Bean is. It's very unlikely that Dean has never gone there, or that he and Grabriel hadn't run into each other at all over the last twelve years that Dean has lived here.

Extremely unlikely.

Gabriel knows about Dean. He's always know about him, even while they were dating. He knows what Dean did, and was, surprisingly, one of the only people who helped him pull his shit together when Amelia got pregnant.

By the time he pulls into the parking lot of the coffee shop, he's annoyed and slightly pissed at what he's sure is his correct assumption.

As soon as he opens the door, he hears "Cassie!" Hollered from behind the counter. There's no customers in line, so he stalks up there with a determined look on his face. "Hey, okay, what'd I do this time?" Gabriel asks jokingly.

"Were you aware" Cas says in a quiet voice, leaning over the counter a bit. "That Dean Winchester lives here?"

Worry flashes through Gabriel's eyes for a second before he covers it with obviously feigned ignorance. "Who's that?"

"You know damn well who it is. And by your reaction, you knew and you purposely didn't tell me. What the fuck, Gabriel?!"

Gabriel raises his hands up in surrender. "Okay, yes I knew. He comes in here sometimes."

"Again, what the fuck Gabriel?!" Cas is upset, and annoyed, and all around pissed about this situation.

"Look, he doesn't know that I'm your brother. We never met back then, and he doesn't even know my last name. He just comes in here for coffee. And pie. Always with the damn pie. I only know who he is because of the shop name. Oh, and I'm kind of friends with his brother."

"Yeah, right. Even if that's all true, you couldn't have told me?"

"If I had, you never would've moved here, or even come to visit. You would've avoided this town like it had the plague and I'd never see you or my niece." And, well, he's not entirely wrong. He's actually entirely right. If Cas had know, he wouldn't be here.

He's still not sure if Gabriel's telling the truth about Dean not knowing who he is, but he really hopes to god he is. The last thing he could ever need in his life is the two of them discussing him.

Not two seconds later, the bell over the door rings and there's a presence behind him. He straightens up, and moves to get out of the way when the person speaks.

"Heya, Cas."

Of course it is, because who else would it possibly be?

Cas turns around slowly. "Hello, Dean." He says, and looks and holy fuck. Dean's tshirt, hands, arms, and face, they all have smears of grease. His pants have a hole in the knee, his hair is fucked, and Cas is pretty sure he's never seen anyone look that hot in his life.

"You like this place?" Dean asks, like he didn't just render Cas completely speechless by his mere presence.

"Uh, I'm not sure, I've never been here before. But, based on the proprietor, I'm not sure I'll be returning again." He says, shooting a glare Gabriel's way.

"Aww, don't be like that Cassie." Gabriel says, at the same time Dean says "Gabe's pretty harmless, once you get to know him."

It only takes a second for Dean to register what Gabriel said. "Oh, you actually know him?"

Well, that answers the question of whether or not Gabe was telling the truth.

"Unfortunately. That asshole is my brother." Cas says, and watches as surprise covers Dean's face.

"What? Seriously?" Dean asks.

"As a heart attack, Deano." Gabriel replies, now working on a drink.

Cas watches as Dean stares at Gabriel, probably trying to find any similarities between the two of them, which he won't because they're complete opposites.

"Gabriel is the reason I moved back here, of all places." Cas supplies, and can almost see Dean mentally shake himself out of his scrutinization.

"I didn't know. I mean, I knew you had a brother named Gabriel, but... I didn't know."

"Yes, well..." Cas isn't sure where he's going with that, so he changes the topic from this uncomfortable one to another uncomfortable one, because what other kind of conversation is there to have with Dean than that kind. "I went to Singer's and the Roadhouse today, and they both offered me work. Thank you for doing that."

"I didn't do anything, just threw your name out there." Dean says, looking away.

"Clearly that isn't true, otherwise I'm sure they would've taken more than two point five seconds before offering the jobs." Cas says knowingly. Dean can deny it all day long, but both Bobby and Ellen had all but said they were hiring him based on Dean's word.

"It's really not a big deal. So, you getting coffee? The pie here is really good." Ah, there he is, Dean Winchester, Master Of Avoidance And Subject Change.

"I think I'm going to head out, I just stopped in to see Gabe for a minute. I have a home office to get set up, since I actually have work now." Cas says, and is (annoyingly) pleased to see disappointment on Dean's face.

"Yes, work. I'm in the middle of that myself." Dean says, gesturing down himself, which gives Cas the perfect excuse to let his eyes scan Dean's body again.

"I see that." Cas says, his voice lower, completely against his will. "I'll see you later." He tears his eyes away from Dean.

"Here, Casanova, at least take this" Gabriel says, passing him a to go cup.

"Thank you." He says to Gabriel, taking it. "Goodbye." He says to both of them before walking out, determinedly not look at Dean again.

\----

When Dean gets home from work later that day, he showers, dresses in comfortable clothes, then calls his brother, which he'd been itching to do since he ran into Cas at the Bean, the informative conversation following that, and Gabriel's audacious poking and prodding at his personal information.

When Sam answers, Dean gets right to the point. "Did you know that Gabriel at The Bean is Cas' brother?"

Sam pauses for a moment before replying. "Cas Novak?"

"Yes, Cas Novak. How many Cas' you know? Jesus, Sammy, just answer the damn question."

At the end of a sigh, Sam says "yeah, I knew."

"What the hell! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't think it mattered. How did you even find out?" Sam asks, and he can hear the kids in the background and Sam moving into another room for quiet.

"Cas lives here now." After Sam's expected exclamation of "what?!" Dean explains about Cas moving back, and about their daughters, how they've talked a little, and how he ran into him at the coffee shop.

"I'm sorry. I really didn't think it mattered. He knows who you are, but he never really brought it up again after we figured out that we sort of inadvertently knew each other." Sam says sincerely.

"Just, ugh, fuck" Dean rubs the bridge of his nose, headache forming at the strain of the day. "Tell me Gabe doesn't know why I left. I really, I just... just tell me that please."

"He doesn't, I swear. I've never told anybody about that, and I never would. Though..."

"Though, what?" Dean snaps.

"Though, maybe this is your second chance and you should tell Cas yourself. He would understand, anybody would."

"I'm not talking about it, Sam."

"Okay, okay. I understand. Just, think about it, alright? You never thought you'd see him again, and here he is. Come on, Dean. You've never cared about anybody the way you cared about him."

"I know." Dean says quietly.

Dean moves on to tell Sam about his job offer to Cas, and that he'll need a contract for it, and after Sam's surprise and his "are you sure that's a good idea"s, he agrees to do it.

*

That night, he's laying in bed letting the memories flow through him for the first time in a while. All the time he spent with Cas, back in school and over the summer they lived here. Everything was perfect, and Dean had never felt that way before, never felt that way since. Something's always missing, and that something has blue eyes and messy hair.


	7. Chapter 7

By Friday, Cas has filled out paperwork with Ellen and already started work for her, and Bobby had said he'll have things ready the next week. He's texted with Dean a few times, all work related, and Dean said his brother should have their paperwork ready the next week as well, but it'll be at least another week before he has any work for Cas.

If he's being honest, he misses Dean. Misses his smile and his laugh, his jokes, his presence, and his stupid beautiful face. And he knows, he _knows_ he has to cut this off now before it gets any worse. Working for Dean is going to be hard enough, he can't fall for the man again, and with his generosity helping with the jobs, and the way he is with his daughter, and the fact that hes _Dean_ , Cas is sadly already on the way there and he needs it to stop. Now.

That is why, after Claire's off to school and he's sufficiently caffeinated, he grabs the number that's been sitting on his dresser for five days now and texts Asa from the diner.

By that afternoon, they have a date set for the next weekend, and Cas feels... Well, he feels _okay_ about it. He's not extremely excited, or even nervous really like he has been in the past before first dates, but he is looking forward to it, which is a start.

When Claire gets home she's talking nonstop about Emma's birthday next weekend, and wants to know if she can go over there the next day to help her plan.

"I can drop you off in the morning, but I have more work to do so I cannot stay, and you can't push me to stay like you've done every time." Cas says, giving her a stern look.

Claire looks crestfallen for all of two seconds before she perks back up and agrees, then she's running upstairs to her room.

*

They're halfway through dinner, the usual "how was school" "fine" "how's homework" "fine" "how's Emma" "fine" exhausted, and they're eating quietly when Claire actually starts a conversation, which is unusual.

"So, Emma was telling me about this ice cream place downtown, not far from Uncle Gabe's place. She said they're the best and we have to try it. They even have black tea ice cream, which I know is your favorite."

"That sounds nice." Cas says, and it does because black tea ice cream is his favorite and it's actually pretty hard to find.

"So, can we go?" Claire asks casually.

"Yeah, we can go tomorrow when I pick you up if you want."

"I meant tonight, dad. After we eat. Please? I really wanna try the caramel popcorn flavor they have, I've been thinking about it all day since Emma told me about it." She's practically bouncing in her seat.

"Alright, I don't see why not, as long as your homework is done." He says.

"Awesome" Claire takes her plate to the sink and rinses it before putting it in the dishwasher. "I'll go get ready." She says before shes bounding up the stairs and out of sight.

"'Thanks dad' 'oh you're welcome honey, glad I could make you happy'" Cas mumbles to himself, finishing his meal. But really, if getting ice cream makes her that excited, how is he supposed to say no.

Less than thirty minutes later they're in the truck on the way to the ice cream parlor.

\----

Dean is standing at the counter waiting for his bourbon chocolate praline crunch icecream, while Emma gets her usual caramel popcorn, when he hears Emma's name behind them.

When he turns around, it's to a sight full of beautiful man and his daughter, and he can't help the surprised "Cas" that comes out of his mouth.

"Hello Dean, Emma." Cas says, looking all gorgeous and staring down at his own daughter with suspicion.

"Oh my god, this is weird." Emma says. "I was just telling Claire about this place today. I couldn't get rid of the craving until I had some." Emma says, looking innocent as ever.

"Me too! You made it sound so good." Claire says, and Dean's own suspicion kicks up a notch.

"Here you go, Dean." He hears, and is being handed his and Emma's bowls of ice cream when he turns around.

"Thanks Garth." He says, stepping out of the way so Cas can approach the counter.

"We're gonna go sit outside. You guys can join us if you want." Emma says, grabbing her bowl and walking away before Dean can say anything. He stumbles after her without a word, skeptical of his daughter's motives.

Once they're seated at a patio table, Dean stares Emma down, and she doesn't even look up from her icecream when he asks "what was that?"

"Hmm?" She says, with a mouthful.

"So they just happen to be here at the exact time we are? Em, if you wanted to hang out tonight you could've just asked. I don't like you being deceitful."

Emma sighs and looks up at him with a guilty expression. "I know, I'm sorry. Since she's coming over tomorrow, she was worried her dad would think it was too much."

"That doesn't make it okay. I don't want you lying to me." He says, really disappointed in her. He doesn't say no often, so when she feels the need to lie it really gets to him.

"I'm sorry daddy, I promise I won't do it again."

"And Claire shouldn't be lying to Cas either, and I'm disappointed you encouraged that." He says.

"What did Claire lie about?" He hears behind him, and turns around to see Cas and Claire standing there.

Dean gestures at the two little co-conspirators. "The girls wanted to hang out tonight, and instead of just asking they tricked us into coming here." Dean says. "You can sit if you want." He adds.

They both take a seat and Cas gives his daughter a look across the table, not saying anything.

It's silent for several long beats before Claire cracks. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry! I didn't think you'd let me since we're spending tomorrow together." Claire says, then shoves a bite of ice cream in her mouth. "Oh my god Em, you were right!" She says in delight, mouth still full.

Cas rolls his eyes in true Cas fashion and sighs. "That's not okay, Claire. I shouldn't let you go tomorrow now."

"No, daddy I'm sorry!" She says.

Dean watches a fond look cross Cas' face, and after a moment he says "fine, but if you lie to me again..."

"I won't, I promise." She says, and they go back to their ice cream.

A minute later, Emma looks up and says "Alex!"

Dean looks around, then back at his daughter with narrowed eyes. "Emma." He says, part question part accusation.

"This was not planned, I swear!" She's looking at him pleadingly, and he knows she knows better than to lie again after all that.

"Alright." Dean acquiesces.

"Can we go sit with her? Please?" Emma asks, and why the hell not? Just leave him here alone with the awkwardness that is his and Cas' current relationship.

He just shrugs. "Yeah yeah, whatever. Only if Cas says it's fine."

Emma turns her pleading eyes on Cas now, and he knows how hard it is to resist so it's no surprise when Cas agrees and the girls are gone in two seconds flat.

"Who is that girl?" Cas asks after a moment.

"Ah, that's Alex, she goes to school with them. She's a good kid. Had a rough family life a few years ago, and the Sheriff, Jody, got her out of there and ended up adopting her. Turned her who life around."

"Wow, that's really admirable." Cas says.

"Yeah, Jody is great. There's another one, too; Patience. Shes about the same age, and has been with Jody about a year now. They'll both be at Emma's sleepover next weekend." Dean says before shoving a bite of his ice cream in his mouth. It's half melted by now, but still fucking delicious and he can't help the pleased sound that comes out.

"Good?" Cas asks, lip ticking up in a slight smile.

"Oh yeah, it's the best kind." Dean replies, licking his spoon. "Bourban chocolate praline."

Cas is watching him, then shakes his head and takes a bite of his own before saying "I doubt it."

"Seriously, try it." Dean says, holding his bowl out. "You won't be disappointed."

Cas sighs, but Dean can tell he's trying not to smile when he dips his spoon in and takes a bite. He watches as Cas contemplates, then shrugs. "It's alright." He says after a minute.

"Alright? Just alright? Man, what happened to your taste buds?" Cas is still trying to suppress a smile, and that makes Dean smile. "What the hell are you eating anyway?" He asks, pointing at Cas' dish with his spoon. It's a light almost grayish brown with flecks of black in it.

Cas holds the bowl out. "Try it."

"What is it?" Dean asks, Cas just gives him a look so he takes some on his spoon and pops it into his mouth, and it's... really good. Like, really really good. Once he swallows, he says "what the hell is that? And how did I not know they had that here?"

Cas looks smug when he says "it's black tea flavored."

"Seriously? What the hell?" Dean says, because he knew they had that flavor and always scoffed at it because tea and ice cream? Gross.

"I knew you wouldn't try it if I told you what it was." Cas says, and he's absolutely right because why the hell would he try something that sounds gross. "You really should expand your tastes. Be adventurous. Live a little." Cas says, and now he's full out smiling his crinkly eyed toothy smile and Dean hasn't seen that smile in seventeen damn years and it melts his fucking heart.

"Shuddup" Dean says, but he's grinning too as he turns back to his own ice cream, which is actually a little disappointing when he takes a bite now that he's had Cas'.

The conversation is light between them this time, and it is such a relief that Dean just let's himself enjoy it, makes himself not think about all the shit that went wrong in the past.

By the time the girls come back over, their ice cream is long gone and they've been contentedly talking about anything they can think of, and Dean has forgotten to be mad at Emma for lying to him.

After settling on a time for Cas to drop Claire off the next day, they all say their goodbyes and head their separate ways, and Dean, for once, feels content with how that went.

\----

After ice cream with Dean, Cas goes home feeling happy. There's something bubbling in his chest, and he hasn't felt it for so long that it doesn't even register at first what it is. It's when he's laying in bed that night that it hits him like a ton of bricks.

He's falling for Dean, all over again. Or, maybe he never stopped.

He cannot, absolutely will not, let that happen. He cannot let Dean's charisma, and charm, and beautiful soul reel him in because he can't handle it. Even if Dean didn't leave again, how can Cas have an honest healthy relationship with him with what happened in their past, with the knowledge that he _did_ leave and he _did_ break Cas' heart, hanging over them, not to mention that he still doesn't know _why_.

They can be friends. They should be friends. They get along well, and their daughters are growing extremely close, so it's logical that it would happen. But he will not date Dean Winchester.

Cas is now even more glad that he made a date for next weekend.

With that thought, Cas closes his eyes and absolutely does not think about Dean anymore that night.


	8. Chapter 8

It's a week before Dean sees Cas again, but they keep in contact. Just texts, back and forth, about their kids, and brothers, and Dean telling Cas what movies to watch, and Cas shooting back with well if you like that then you should read this book. It's really fucking nice, and Dean's all around happy with how things are going.

Maybe they do have a shot at a second chance.

On Friday, Cas comes to the shop and Dean spends some time showing him his system and what work needs done. Cas sets it up so once hes input all the information, he can access it from his own computer at home so he doesn't need to be in the shop all the time occupying Dean's computer. Which, really Dean wouldn't mind if he did, because having Cas around is always pleasant, but he gets that the man wants to work from his own home.

Once again, after Cas leaves and for the rest of the day, Dean feels content, even happy. At dinner, when Emma looks at him strangely because he can't stop smiling, he just smiles bigger and hands her another piece of pie.

*

Saturday morning dawns bright and sunny, and Dean's up with it, drinking coffee and making Emma's traditional birthday chocolate chip waffles and bacon for breakfast, while happily dancing around the kitchen to classic rock.

When Emma comes in, she rolls her eyes (thanks for that, Claire) but is smiling when she sits at the table with a stack of waffles in front of her, covered in homemade strawberry syrup and whipped cream.

Dean settles at the table with his own breakfast, and they talk about the plans for the day.

Charlie should be over around 3, and the girls will all start arriving around 5. Dean will be making homemade pizzas and fries, and they'll have cake (not pie because Emma's a heathen and wants cake for her birthday) and build your own sundaes. He also has a cupboard full of snacks for their games and movies, and a present in the livingroom for Emma's room that he'll have her open after breakfast.

When Emma opens her gift, she's as delighted as he'd hoped she'd be. It's a 50 inch smart tv, to replace the old one that's probably not even 30 inches that she's had in her room as long as Dean can remember.

Dean spends the next hour setting it up and then helping Emma rearrange her room, so when they're done the entire floor is basically one giant bed. They have a guest room, but he's sure once they get started no ones going to end up actually sleeping until they pass out from sugar overload.

Around noon, Sam, Eileen, and the kids drop by for a couple hours for lunch and to give Emma her presents from them; a board game she wanted, a couple of books that she squeals over, and an entire makeup kit which makes Dean send his bother death glares and he responds with pointing to Eileen and mouthing 'blame her'.

The kids have drawn Emma cards (well, the 4 year old drew a card, and the two year old scribbled all over a piece of paper) but she's pleased with them and makes sure they know how happy she is, then puts them right on the fridge.

After they've left and Emma's gifts are put away, the two of them collapse on the couch. Charlie should be there soon, and Dean really needs a nap, or at least to rest before the gaggle of teenage girls descends upon his house like dementors and suck the rest of his energy out to satiate their ever hungry souls.

They've got a movie on and Dean is dozing on the couch when Charlie shows up, but she immediately whisks Emma away for "birthday girl stuff" and Dean is totally fine with that and just keeps dozing until he has to get up to start prep on dinner stuff.

Right around 4, the doorbell rings. Alex and Patience show up first, together, and then Kaia, who's another new kid that Claire actually made friends with and brought into their little group. When Dean found out she was new too, he joked with Emma "I didn't date her dad too, did I?" Which he thought was actually a funny joke, but Emma just looked at him like he was insane, so he said "her mom?" And she kept looking at him like that and he realized that he's now in dad joke territory and he's getting old. It was still funny though.

Claire shows up last, with Cas, and it's refreshing to see him even though they just saw each other the day before. Claire goes running up the stairs with a glare at her dad when she's told all the other girls are there already.

Dean looks at Cas, and Cas' face shows fond exasperation. "She'd told me last night all her homework was done, and it was not so I made her do it before she was allowed to come over. And now she's upset because she's 'late' even though it's only 5:15" Cas says, airquotes and all, and Dean is filled with affectionate nostalgia.

"I haven't even started cooking yet so she's fine." Dean says.

"I told her it was fine, and she even texted Emma and _she_ told her it was fine too, but you know how they are. Extremely dramatic." Cas says, and boy does Dean know.

"Oh yeah, there's no getting away from that at this age."

"Well, anyway, thanks for having her. I'll pick her up tomorrow, she said she'd just text me when she's ready" Cas says, getting ready to turn toward the door.

"You wanna hang out? I've still gotta make dinner, but I'm gonna be here surrounded by a bunch of teenage girls, and I could use some backup. Though, Em's got a new tv in her room so I'm not sure I'll even see them again after they eat, especially with Charlie up there." Dean says, hopeful. Hanging out, or even just texting with Cas has become something he looks forward to.

"I can't, I'm sorry." Cas says, but he doesn't look sorry exactly.

"Oh, you got a hot date?" Dean teases with a grin. He wishes he hadn't. 

Cas shifts uncomfortably where he stands. "I do. Have a date, that is."

The smile slips from Dean's face, heart dropping into his stomach. "Ah, okay. Sorry, I didn't know you were... dating." He wants to say seeing someone, wants to know how they met, and what this guy has that Dean doesn't, whatever, but it's all too much and he really just wants to go back to this morning when he was happy, or even ten minutes ago when he was just tired and not heartbroken.

"Yes, well, I date on occasion. I should probably go." Cas says, actually turning to the door now.

Dean is desperate, desperate to stop him, to get him to stay. If Cas is dating... shit. "Can we please just start over?" Dean asks quickly, but he's already sure what the answer will be at this point, because if the answer was yes then Cas wouldn't be leaving to go on a date with someone else.

Cas pauses with his hand on the door knob, and Dean watches as his shoulders rise and fall then rise again with his breaths. "No, I don't think that's possible."

"It was a long time ago." He can hear the pleading in his own voice. The desperation for Cas to just _stay_.

Cas whips back around so quickly, it almost knocks Dean over. "I trusted you!" He says in a quiet hiss. "You told me about all those different schools, all those different people you fooled around with and then left. You said it was different. That I was different! You said you'd never do that to me."

"You were different, Cas." The sadness overwhelms him, and he's not sure what to do to make Cas believe that.

"Obviously, I wasn't. Now, if you'll excuse me." Cas turns back around and leaves, but not before Dean sees the tear sliding down his cheek.

Once the door slams behind him, Dean doesn't move for a while, just standing there staring at where Cas was just moments before, before Dean's world was changed again.

It hurts. It really fucking hurts, which is utterly ridiculous because it's not like they were anything. It's not like Dean had any real reason to believe they could start over and try again. But it hurts nonetheless.

That's where Charlie finds him, who knows how long later. She's coming down the stairs telling him the girls are literally starving to death and when she sees him she just pulls him into a hug before asking what happened.

He tells her. He tells her that Cas has a date and he'd really thought they'd be able to just start over but that was never even a thought in Cas' head. He let's only two tears slip out, and then he pulls his shit together and heads to the kitchen, because this is Emma's day and he's gonna make it as damn near perfect as he can no matter how he's feeling.

He makes the pizzas and fries and the girls converge on the kitchen and scarf them down with liters of soda like they've been in the desert for 40 years without food or drink.

They do cake, and the girls are ecstatic about the sundaes, and then they're gone upstairs again. Dean sends Charlie up with them, insisting that he'll be fine, and then he's alone with his own misery.

He's sad and alone and he knows its pathetic, but that doesn't stop him from taking a tub of ice cream, pouring chocolate sauce all up in it, and taking it into the livingroom with a spoon to eat his feelings away.

He finishes the entire tub, no judgement, it was only half full anyway, and throws it away before flopping back on the couch and turning on the tv to whatever's playing on the syfy channel.

It's maybe an hour and a half later when he hears Emma yelling from the top of the stairs.

"Daddy!" Her voice is shrill, and Dean jumps off the couch and is running up the stairs before he even realizes he's moving.

"What? What happened? What is it?" He's looking at her, and she looks panicked.

"It's Claire, there's something wrong." She says, and Dean's down the hall and into her room before she's even finished talking.

Claire is laying on the bed, pushed against the far wall, and Charlie is sitting next to her.

"What happened Charlie?" Dean asks as he climbs over blankets and pillows and games and everything else imaginable. It's like a damn booby trap room. He finally makes it over, and Charlie moves for him to take her place.

"She looked like she was in pain after dinner, but she said it was probably just cramps and that she was fine. It just kept getting worse, and I don't think its cramps. She can barely move now, and she keeps holding her side." Charlie says, and Dean can see she's trying hard not to panic.

Dean looks at Claire, and she's holding her right side, her face is pale and scrunched up in pain, and she has a flush high on her cheeks. Dean puts his hand on her head and she's burning up. "Oh, sweetheart." He says.

He looks around the room, and all the girls are just staring at him with varying levels of concern on their faces. "Alright, I'm taking Claire to the hospital. Charlie, you stay here with the other girls and I'll be back when I can." He says, then turns back to Claire. "Do you think you can walk?" He asks.

"I can try." She replies, but as soon as she tries to sit up she doubles over in pain.

"Im pretty sure you have appendicitis." He says, and she just nods from her bent over position. "Alright, I need you girls to move this stuff out of the way so I can get her out of here." He says. "Emma, run downstairs and grab my phone off the coffee table, and my shoes from by the door."

Within a minute, Emma's back and Dean is calling Cas' number while the girls make a path and he pulls his shoes on.

Cas doesn't answer, so Dean leaves a voicemail. "Hey Cas, I need you to call me back as soon as you can. I'm taking Claire to the hospital." Claire tries to move again and groans out in pain. "Hey hey, don't move sweetheart, I'll get you." He says to her, before finishing his message. "I think it's her appendix. Just call me back as soon as possible." He hangs up, shoves his phone in his pocket, then turns back to Claire.

"I'm gonna pick you up and bring you to the car. It's gonna hurt but I need you to just hold onto me, okay?"

Claire nods, and Dean stands up and scoops her into his arms. She groans again. But wraps one arm around his neck while the other is still clutching her side.

"Alright, if you need anything call me." He says to Charlie, as he makes his way across the room. Emma's by his side, and he looks down at her. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"I'm going with." She says determinedly.

"Emma, you have guests." He says.

"I'm going with, dad. They understand." She says, and when he looks around the girls are nodding.

"Alright, hurry and get your shoes on. And grab a sweater. Oh and grab a blanket for Claire." He's made it to the stairs, and concentrates on making it down them while holding a teenager princess style and not falling and breaking their necks.

He gets out the door and into the garage okay, and settles Claire in the backseat but she can't sit up, so he lays her down and covers her with the blanket that Emma hands him. She also hands over one of his hoodies, and he's thankful because it's a chilly night, so he slips it on then slides in behind the wheel while Emma climbs in the passenger side.

Once they're on the road, Dean digs out his phone and tells Emma to try calling Cas again. They don't live far from the hospital, so she's tried him twice more by the time they get there and park, to no avail. Dean climbs out and gets Claire out of the car gently, then carries her into the emergency room.


	9. Chapter 9

The date is going... alright. It's not bad, not at all, but it's not great either. Asa is nice, funny, a good conversationalist, and he's attractive, so Cas has spent the better part of the date so far trying to figure out what's wrong with him that this doesn't feel right.

They met at the restaurant because Cas felt weird having someone he doesn't really know knowing where he lives, and he didn't really want to be without his car anyway in case things did not go well.

They're at a steakhouse, and Cas has a delicious strip steak and a glass of wine in front of him, the lights are low and romantic, though it's a little loud in there. Asa's talking about books, the conversation has never once been the normal level of awkward for a first date, and Cas can't stop thinking about the look on Dean's face when he'd told him he had a date. He keeps thinking about the words Dean said, how he wanted to start over, how he'd said that Cas had been different.

That didn't add up. Because, if Cas _had_ been different, if Dean had actually loved him, then Dean wouldn't have left like he'd left everyone else in his past. He was just another notch for Dean, another distraction, a way to pass the time. Cas has to believe this, because it's the only thing that makes sense.

"Are you okay?" Asa asks, and Cas realizes he's stopped talking and is looking at him with concern.

"Oh, yes. I'm sorry, I just got distracted for a moment. Please, continue."

"You sure? You don't look like you're having a very good time." Asa says, and Cas immediately feels guilty.

"No, no, I am. This is very nice. I just..." What is he supposed to say? Sorry, my ex from seventeen years ago is randomly back in my life and my daughter is at his house with his daughter and I told him I was going on a date and he looked like he wanted to cry, and oh by the way I think I'm still in love with him. Yeah, he doesn't think that'll go over well. "I'm just distracted today is all. My daughter is at a sleepover for the first time and I guess I'm just a little worried." There, not the truth but not completely a lie.

"Well, maybe I could distract you from your distractions." Asa says with a smile, hand sliding across the table to cover Cas'.

And that feels... okay. It's not bad, but it's also not great, just like this whole damn night. Asa's touch has done absolutely nothing for him other than make his hand too warm, and he kind of wants to pull it away but that's ridiculous because they're on a date and this is what people do.

It's nothing like Dean's touch, the one time Cas laid his hand over his, or the few times they'd grazed against each other while working at the shop. Those touches sent something through him, a shiver, a thrill, a surge of _want_. This touch is not like that. It almost feels like he's holding hands with his brother, and okay, that's a weird thought.

Cas forces a smile, forces himself not to pull away until he needs his hand to eat, forces himself to make conversation. Dates should not be forced, and he's feeling worse and worse about it as the night goes on.

They've finished eating, and they're waiting on the check. Cas is digging into his jacket pocket on the bench seat next to him, for his wallet and Asa is saying something about not wanting the night to end yet when Cas feels his phone vibrate against his hand. He pulls it out of his jacket and checks it and there are five missed calls and several voicemails from Dean.

A spark of annoyance but also worry goes through him. Either Dean's calling because of what he said before he left, or something happened.

"I'm so sorry, I just need to check this message." He says. Asa replies that it's no problem, and Cas clicks the message and puts the phone to his ear.

"Hey Cas, I need you to call me back as soon as you can. I'm taking Claire to the hospital. Hey hey, don't move sweetheart, I'll get you. I think it's her appendix. Just call me back as soon as possible."

Dread fills him as the voicemail continues, and before it's even finished he's standing up and pulling money out of his wallet to throw on the table.

"I have to go. My daughter." He says. He's scared and worried and he needs to leave now, so he's walking away before he thinks to throw an "I'm sorry" over his shoulder. He tries to call Dean back, but it goes to voicemail so he hurries out to his car as quickly as he can.

The entire drive to the hospital Cas is worried, distressed, and guilty. He was on a date and didn't even hear his phone and something happened to Claire. How selfish could he possibly be to not even think something could happen to her.

By the time he's walking into the emergency room, he's a frazzled mess and is just barely holding it together. He tells the nurse at the desk that his daughter's here, and she leads him back to a room in the emergency department.

The nurse leaves him at the door, and he peeks around the curtain. Claire is laying in the bed with Emma on one side and Dean on the other. Dean's arm is around her, and she's curled into his side with her eyes closed, and Emma and Dean are both looking at the tv.

Cas makes his way into the room, and when Dean sees him, he tries to pull away to get up but Cas can see Claire's hand tighten where its gripped in his shirt.

"Hey sweetheart, your dad's here." Dean whispers to her, and Claire squints her eyes open at Cas before closing them again and snuggling back into Dean's side. Dean chuckles quietly, then looks at Cas. "Sorry, they gave her something for the pain and she's kind of out of it." He says.

"That's okay." Cas says as he stops at the end of the bed. "What happened? I got your voicemail, I'm so sorry it took me so long." It hurts to see his daughter in a hospital bed, and he's trying really hard to keep it together.

"They did an ultrasound and confirmed its appendicitis. They've given her antibiotics along with the pain meds, and they want to do surgery as soon as they can. I guess it's pretty bad, and they wanna get it out before it ruptures."

Cas feels anxiety filling him, can tell it's getting harder for him to breathe, but he can't calm himself down.

"Okay, hey Cas, it's alright, calm down. Shit." He can hear Dean talking but his vision is blurry and he's just standing there freaking out. "Hey, Em, can you hold onto her for me?" Dean says, and a minute later he's being pulled into Dean's arms.

She has to have surgery. His little not so little girl is going to have surgery and she was in pain and he wasn't here for her because he's selfish and a bad father, and... fuck.

"You are not a bad father, jesus Cas." Dean says, and Cas must've been talking outloud because he's pretty sure Dean can't read his mind. "It's gonna be okay." Dean says, and Cas doesn't know how it happens but his arms around around Dean and he's clutching onto his shirt like Claire had been. Dean's hand is rubbing along his back, and Cas is starting to get his breathing under control.

Dean's words are comforting, so he just clings to him and listens, face pressed into Dean's shoulder, the rumble of his voice soothing.

"You can't always be there, things are gonna happen that are out of your control. That does not, nor will it ever, make you a bad father. She's gonna be fine, and you're here now and that's what's important."

"I should've been here as soon as you called." Cas can hear himself say, voice muffled. "I should've... the restaurant was loud and I didn't even know my phone had rung until I got my wallet out. It's no excuse, I should've been here. She was in pain before she left but she said it was cramps and she was fine. I should've made her stay home. I should've known something else was wrong." He's rambling and he doesn't even care because he feels like shit.

"You can't know everything, sweetheart. She's here and you're here and they're gonna take care of her. It'll all be fine." Dean's fingers are carding through his hair, and he just let's them because it feels nice and its grounding.

"I'm really glad you're here." Cas says, surprising himself. But he means it, so he let's it hang there and just holds on until the doctor comes in.

He let's go of Dean and wipes his face, because apparently he'd been crying, and turns to the doctor. She tells him that Claire should be ready for surgery, explains the procedure, and that she'll take them both upstairs and get her settled in a room, and he can wait in the waiting room up there when she goes into surgery. He signs some papers, and then a nurse and a tech come in and they get Claire set in a wheelchair, and as they're wheeling her out of the room he thanks Dean and follows them.

\----

"I'm not leaving." Emma says as soon as Cas has left the room, and it takes Dean a minute because he's still reeling from everything that happened.

"What?" He looks at her, and she's standing there by the bed looking determined.

"I'm not leaving until she has her surgery and I can see that she's okay." Emma repeats.

"Em-"

"No. I have to be here. She's my best friend dad. You wouldn't leave your best friend alone at the hospital, would you?" She says. Her stare is so intense he's taken aback.

Though Claire isn't actually alone, her father's here, Dean completely understands what she means and she's right. He wouldn't leave either.

"Alright, kid, we'll stay." He says, and she beams at him. "Let me call Charlie, then we'll go find some coffee, alright?"

She agrees, and they head outside so he can make the phone call. Charlie says the girls decided to head home and that they weren't upset at all and that they'd for sure do it again another time. Dean tells her that's good because Emma insisted they stick around so he has no idea when they'll be home. Charlie makes knowing noises and Dean hangs up before she can say anything.

The cafeteria is closed, so they wander around until they find a vending machine. The coffee is shit, but he gets two cups anyway, and gets Emma a hot chocolate, and they head upstairs. By the time they do all that, and find the correct waiting room, about a half hour has passed.

Cas is sitting in a chair with his head in his hands when they walk in. They approach, and Dean says "Cas?" quietly.

Cas' head whips up and looks at them. His eyes are red, his cheeks flushed, and it looks like he's been running his hands through his hair nonstop since he came up here.

"What're you doing back?" He asks, looking between them.

"We never left." Dean replies, handing over one of the cups of coffee. Cas takes it automatically, and just looks at him like Dean's said he's a time lord and asked him to go for a ride in his tardis.

"I'm sorry, Cas" Emma says. "But I'm not leaving here until I know my best friend is fine." She has her patented determined look on as she stares Cas down.

Cas looks at her this time, and it's a long minute before he clears his throat, wipes a tear from his eye and says "that's okay."

"Good" she says, and plops down into a chair.

"I thought you'd want to get back to your party, I didn't mean to make it seem like you weren't welcome to stay." Cas says.

"There are things more important than a party." Emma says, and Dean is so damn proud of her he wants to cry.

"Yes, there are." Cas says. "Claire is lucky to have you."

"I'm the lucky one." Emma says, then turns to the tv, brooking no argument.

Cas looks up at Dean with a look of awe, and yeah, Dean feels that too. He doesn't know where she got it, but his kid is fucking amazing and he couldn't be prouder.

They sit in silence for a long while, and Emma starts to nod off in her chair, so Dean folds up his hoodie and lays it on one end of a row of chairs, and Emma lays her head down on it and promptly falls asleep.

He's wanted to comfort Cas since he sat down, wanted to hold him or touch him in some way, but he's pretty sure the only reason Cas allowed it before was that he was mid panic attack and needed something to hold onto.

It's another few minutes before Dean gathers the nerve to even say anything, but he figures fuck it, why not, Cas already laid his cards out earlier in the night. "I, uh... I didn't really wanna leave you alone here, but I wasn't sure if you'd want me here."

Cas doesn't look at him, continues to stare at the tv though Dean's pretty sure he's not actually watching it. "I told you I was happy you're here." He says.

"Yeah. Well, sometimes people say things during an intense emotional situation they don't mean, so you can't really trust that." It sounds harsh, but it's not meant to. It's just meant to convey why Dean didn't think he'd want him here.

"I don't say things I dont mean." Cas says, and then finally looks at Dean. "I'm glad you were with her when I couldn't be."

"Cas-" Dean says, about to insist again that it wasn't his fault.

"No, let me say this." Cas cuts him off, so Dean shuts up. "Even if I had gotten your message right away, you were still the one with her when it happened. You brought her here immediately, and you stayed with her when I'm sure she was scared. She's lucky to have you, too." Cas looks away then, but keeps talking. "I'm lucky you were there. And here, for me, when I couldn't pull it together."

Dean's pretty sure he's done talking now, but he doesn't know what to say to that. What he really wants to say is of course he was here, where the hell else would he be? He wants to say that he'd always be here if Cas would let him, because even after seventeen fucking years he's still in love with Cas, loves every single thing about him, and never wants to let go. But, he doesn't say any of that, because that would probably not go over well, so he reaches out and takes Cas' hand, and Cas let's him, and they sit there in silence just holding hands.


	10. Chapter 10

Cas doesn't know why he let's himself hold Dean's hand, be comforted by him, but he needs it right now so he let's it happen. It feels nice, having someone there in a situation like this, when he's so used to doing everything alone.

When the doctor finally comes out, Dean stands up with him, still holding onto his hand, and Cas doesn't let go either.

She let's them know that surgery went well and Claire is still asleep, but he's welcome to go in her room and wait for her to wake up. Dean encourages him, says he and Emma will be there waiting if he needs them, so he reluctantly let's go of Dean's hand and follows the doctor back, listening intently as she fills him in on everything.

Claire is in a private room, and Cas waits until the doctor leaves before he lets his tears fall again. Seeing her in the hospital bed, so small and frail looking with wires and an IV attached, it breaks something in him, and before long he's collapsed in the chair by her side and sobbing.

He knows it's ridiculous, because she's fine. It was a routine surgery and she's young and healthy and they said it all went perfectly, but he can't help it. He cries until his tears dry up and then he just sits there holding her hand and watching her sleep.

When she eventually wakes up, he apologizes profusely for not being there, and she tells him it's fine and it's not his fault.

She says that Dean was amazing. "Seriously dad, you should've seen him jump into action like a super hero." She says, and though she looks so tired she's talking with more enthusiasm than she normally does. "He just picked me right up and carried me down the stairs because I couldn't walk. And once we were here, he wouldn't leave my side. They tried to make him leave the room when they were figuring out what was wrong, but, okay don't get mad, but I told them he was my dad's partner. I didn't want to be alone, and it hurt so much, and they were gonna make him leave. I hope that's okay."

Cas feels an overwhelming amount of gratitude for Dean, and he wants to cry again at how grateful he is that Dean was there. "That's fine, sweetie." He says, because he understands, and actually wishes it were true, though he really really shouldn't.

He tells her that they're still waiting, and Claire insists on seeing them 'right now dad' tacking on a 'please' at the end because sometimes the manners he taught her actually come through.

Cas makes his way back out to the waiting room, and Emma is now laid out where he'd been sitting, with her head in Dean's lap sleeping. Dean's head is bent forward, and he looks like he might be asleep too, so Cas touches him on the shoulder gently and says his name.

When Dean raises his head, rubbing his eyes, Cas can't help but think how adorable he is and how thankful he is for him, and that same something from before bubbles inside his chest again before he squashes it back down.

He tells Dean that Claire's awake and insisting on seeing them, yes both of them not just Emma, so Dean wakes her and they follow him back to her room.

Emma hurries to Claire's side and hugs her gently, and they talk for a few minutes before Claire is calling Dean over to her. She reaches up and pulls him into a hug, telling him thank you for taking care of her, and when Dean hugs her back and tells her of course, any time she needs him he'll be there, Cas feels his chest fill and ache and he can't push it down this time, there's too much.

A little while later, Cas insists they leave to get some sleep because Claire needs to sleep anyway. Dean agrees, and Emma fights it until Claire is yawning, eyelids drooping, and she finally relents.

Claire makes them promise that they can have a do over sleepover as soon as she's feeling better, and they set a tentative time for a week later which Cas thinks is too soon, but Dean quietly tells him that if she's not up for it he'll make an excuse to push it back, and once again Cas is appreciative and overwhelmed by Dean's thoughtfulness.

They're finally able to pull themselves away, and Claire almost immediately falls asleep. Cas pulls the chair up close to her bed, finally sinks back into it, and drifts off.

\----

Dean is woken up at fucking six o'clock in the morning the next day, and he's not exactly pleased about it, but he can't be upset. By the time they got home and got to bed, it was almost one, and he couldn't fall asleep due to all the thoughts swirling around in his head, so he's gotten very little sleep.

Emma comes into his room, and that automatically wakes him up because he's a single dad and has always had to be on edge ready for anything to happen. He keeps his eyes closed though and listens as she heads further into the room, around the bed, until he feels bed dip on the other side and Emma is curled up next to him. He peeks his eyes open and she's staring at him expectantly.

"What is it, Em?" He asks, voice groggy and rough.

"Can't sleep. I'm worried about her. Can we go back to the hospital?" She looks tired, concern furrowing her brow, but a pleading look on her face.

Like any teenager, Emma likes her sleep, so he knows she must be really unsettled about the whole thing. "'Course Em. Just gimme a minute to wake up." He says, and closes his eyes again. He knows if he doesn't get up, he'll fall back asleep so he rubs his face and pulls himself out of the bed.

Emma gets up too, and Dean can see she's already dressed and ready to go, and he smiles a little at how much his daughter cares.

He throws on the first clothes his hands touch, jeans and a tshirt, and pulls a hoodie over his head because it's gotta still be pretty chilly out this early in the morning.

Downstairs, he starts a pot of coffee then grabs several of his homemade breakfast sandwiches out of the freezer. He heats them up, wraps two in foil to keep them warm, then hands one to Emma and keeps one for himself. Filling 2 travel mugs with coffee, he fixes one with cream and sugar, because that's how Cas drank it way back when and he hopes that's how he still does, then packs everything into a reusable shopping bag.

They head out to the hospital, and by the time they get there it's 7:15, both their sandwiches are gone and Dean has finished his coffee and is starting to feel at least partially awake. He grabs the bag, and hopes that the hospital will even let them in, and that Cas won't mind the intrusion, because it's still early as fuck. There's no question whether Cas will be there this early or not, because Dean knows he'd never leave her here alone.

Nobody stops them on the way in, and they make it upstairs with no problem. The nurse at the desk on her floor asks his name, but let's them pass a minute later telling him to go on in, and that Claire was awake when she checked on her a few minutes ago.

He knocks before he opens the door, and when they walk in Cas is staring at him with a confused head tilt, and he just smiles as Emma immediately heads over to Claire and climbs up next to her in the bed.

Cas looks at the time then looks back at him. "It's very early." He says, and his voice is low and quiet like he's been sleeping, which he probably had been pretty recently, and it pulls at Dean's heart.

"I know, I'm sorry. Somebody climbed in my bed this morning and wouldn't leave until I got up." He leaves out the fact that he really wanted to know how she was too, and wanted to make sure Cas was okay. Then quieter he says "she was worried."

Cas looks over at the girls snuggled in the bed, then back at Dean and his look is so fond Dean almost can't handle it.

They stare at each other for a minute, until Dean can't take it and pulls his eyes away. "Oh, uh" he reaches into the bag and pulls out the sandwiches. "I didn't know if she has a special diet for after surgery, but I grabbed one with egg whites and turkey bacon so it'll be less heavy on her stomach." He hands Cas the normal one, then hands over the (gross) light one to Claire who gives him a quick thanks in response.

Cas still doesn't say anything, so Dean reaches into the bag again and pulls out the second travel mug and hands that over to Cas too. "Coffee." Dean says, then stands there awkwardly as Cas continues to stare, just holding a thing in a each hand.

Dean self consciously folds the bag up and shoves it into his pocket, and Cas finally pulls his eyes away and looks down at the things in his hands. "I don't know what to say." He says, and he sounds a little choked up but Dean doesn't acknowledge that.

"It's not a big deal" Dean shrugs.

Cas huffs out a laugh, then points to the other chair. "You can sit." So Dean does.

\----

Cas is utterly and completely overwhelmed by Dean. Jesus, this is too much for this early in the morning with almost no sleep. Not only is he here, he brought breakfast and coffee, and even had the foresight to bring something light for Claire. He is so amazingly thoughtful, and Cas has definitely not had enough sleep to sort through his feelings.

He wants to hug him, and kiss him, god does he want to kiss him, and he wants to make sure Dean knows that this _is_ a big deal and how much he appreciates it.

It's too much, so Cas does none of that. He unwraps his sandwich and takes a bite, and it's the best damn breakfast sandwich he's ever had.

Once he swallows he asks "where on earth did you get this?"

"It's alright?" Dean asks, and he looks a little sheepish.

"It's more than alright. It's the best thing I've put in my mouth in a long time." Cas says, taking another bite.

"I got them from my freezer. I made them, actually. I do that, then freeze them for a quick breakfast when we're running late, which happens, you know, often, with a teenager and a business, and... yeah." Dean seems flustered.

Cas' brain to mouth filter must be broken, because he says "you're just gonna let the whole 'best thing I've put in my mouth' comment slide without a joke? Come on, that's not like you."

Dean barks out a surprised laugh, Claire says "oh gross dad!" and Emma just giggles. And yeah, he definitely needs some sleep, but he can't even regret it because Dean's laugh is always something to be enjoyed.

"Yeah, well, it's early." Dean says, but he's grinning.

"So, you made an egg white and turkey bacon breakfast sandwich?" Cas asks, because that doesn't seem like Dean either.

"Ah, yeah. I keep them on hand for Sam, he's a health freak. But the way I make them, even I think they're alright." Claire makes an agreeable noise.

Cas finishes his sandwich, drinks some of the coffee which is made exactly how he likes it, and feels more awake now.

He updates them on Claire and says she's healing well and they've told them she should be able to go home today but she won't be back in school for at least a few days. Emma promises to get her work for her, and yet again Cas is so grateful they're in their lives.

They hang out for over an hour, but when Gabriel shows up Dean insists they leave to give them some family time. Cas wants to tell him that they're family, because what is family but what Dean's been to them, but he doesn't and let's them go.

Gabriel's shown up with a huge candy bouquet and a box of muffins, and Cas tells him that Dean already brought them breakfast, but Claire grabs one anyway and Gabriel gives Cas a knowing look but doesn't say anything about Dean.

When Gabriel finally leaves, its wonderfully blessedly quiet for a little while and Cas dozes in the chair, while Claire nods off. He's just so tired, and can't wait to get Claire home and himself back in his own bed.

A little while later, Claire sits her bed up and looks at him. "Hey dad, can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead." He says with trepidation, because if she's asking permission, it's probably something serious or personal.

"You and Dean" she starts.

He's sure he knows where this is going. But he asks "yeah, what about us?"

"Well, I was just wondering. He's been here for us, and you guys really seem to get along fine, so I was wondering if there was anything there between you, you know, other than what happened in the past?"

When did his daughter get so observant? He thinks about it for a minute before replying. "There's not. We're friends, and that's it." It actually kind of hurts to say, but it's the truth.

"Why?" She asks, and it's such a loaded question.

He asks himself the question. Why? Dean has been amazing since the second he was thrust back into his life. He's been there for him and his daughter. He's kind and thoughtful and funny and beautiful and everything that Cas remembers. But, there's always that one thing, the one thing that happened that Cas just can't get past.

"Because" he starts, as he gathers his thoughts. "Because, sometimes things happen that are really hard to move on from."

"And that thing is that he left you?" She asks.

"Yes." Cas says, because that's it. He can't, he just can't risk it again.

"Dad" she says, and looks at him so seriously. "You were kids."

Yes, they were kids. But Dean had made promises and said things and Cas was so broken afterwards that it took Claire's existence for him to move on from it.

"I know." He says.

She shifts around on the bed so she's facing him full on. "You're different people now, and you can't judge someone as an adult for something they did as a kid. He's a good guy, dad, and I think you could be happy." Claire settles back into the bed and turns the tv on.

Cas doesn't say anything else about it, but seriously thinks about what she said. It really _isn't_ fair for him to judge Dean on something that happened so long ago. He's proven that he's reliable, and he's stable. He has a kid, which means disappearing really isn't much of an option. Cas is sure Dean still feels something for him, and he definitely still feels something for Dean.

He just wishes he knew why. Why Dean did what he did back then. If he just knew, maybe he could move forward and get past it.

Eventually, the doctor comes in and evaluates Claire, deeming her okay to go home. They start the release process, and within the next hour they're on their way home.

Cas texts Dean to update him, in case Emma convinces him to go back to the hospital, then he gets Claire settled on the big couch, gives her full reign of the tv, and lays down on the loveseat to close his eyes for a little while.

*

Cas wakes up to quiet talking across the room.

"Emma, we aren't staying. I told you we could bring it and you could see how she is, but they need to rest. No arguments."

Cas opens his eyes and sees Dean, Emma, and Claire by the front door. "Hey" he croaks, then clears his throat of sleep.

Dean looks over at him, and he looks guilty. "I'm sorry. We just wanted to drop something off, but we're leaving now." He puts his hand on Emma's shoulder and is steering her around to the door.

"Wait, it's okay." Cas says, sitting up. He's disoriented and a bit confused, but Dean's here and that's a nice thing. He gets himself sat up and rubs the sleep from his eyes before taking them in again. "So what's going on?"

"We made you guys dinner." Emma says, matter of factly.

"We were just gonna drop it off, but Claire said to come in. She didn't say you were asleep." Dean says, shooting Claire a look.

Claire shrugs. "He's been asleep for three hours, if he slept much longer he'd complain that I let him sleep too long."

"I would no- wait, three hours? Fuck, I'm sorry." Cas says, looking at the time.

"Language, dad." Claire smirks.

Cas rolls his eyes, but stands up and stretches before walking over to the group at the door. "I'm sorry. You made dinner? You didn't have to do that."

"Its dad's secret soup recipe." Emma says.

At the same time, Claire says "I'm glad someone did, could starve to death around here." 

"Hey, give your dad a break." Dean says, flicking Claire's hair. "He's been by your side for the last 24 hours."

Cas suppresses a smile, and asks if they want to stay. Dean says they already ate and that he and Claire both need rest, but to call them if they need anything, then he's ushering Emma out the door.

Before they can get too far, Cas follows them out onto the porch, and when Dean turns around Cas pulls him into a hug and says "thank you, Dean." Then he let's go and goes back inside, closing the door without another look.

They sit down to eat, and Claire gives him a look but promptly knocks it off as soon as she shovels a bite into her mouth. The soup is smooth and rich and warm, and there's what looks like homemade bread with it, and it's all so amazing and heartwarming.

Cas wonders again why he can't get over his shit.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: talk of past physical abuse to a young Dean

Cas spends the next several days wondering why. Mostly, why it happened.

He takes care of Claire, and wonders why. He works, and wonders why. He does household chores, and cooks, and showers, and dresses, and sleeps, and wonders _why_.

Dean has been leaving things on the porch; cookies, pies, sandwiches, more soup. It's insane and incredible and Cas doesn't know what to do with it.

Claire feels better, and by Thursday she's back at school. On Friday, she comes home excited because of course she didn't forget about their tentative plans on Saturday. Cas tells her he thinks it's too soon, but she argues that she's fine and she'll be careful. And she promises to call if anything, _anything_ at all hurts.

He texts Dean about it, and Dean says she's definitely welcome and that it'll just be Claire and Emma because he doesn't want to overwhelm her with too much activity, and they can do a big sleepover again another night, and Cas is thankful for that, because it's one less thing to worry about. He says that if Cas isn't cool with it though, then "Emma and I have plans with my brother that I completely forgot about". Cas laughs at that, and as nice as the offer is, he doesn't take it and agrees to let Claire go.

That's how Cas finds himself back at Dean's house in the early afternoon on Saturday.

\----

Dean hasn't seen Cas since they dropped dinner by on Sunday night, and he doesn't like it. He's dropped a few things by their house, just onto the porch, and had Emma let Claire know. He knows Cas has been busy, and just doesn't want to bother him.

Or, in reality, he's afraid to see him. After the last time, the hug Cas gave him that was so full of warmth and gratitude, Dean's afraid when he sees him again that he won't see any of that, and everything will just be back to the way it was before; when Cas was dating someone else and Dean was nothing more than his daughter's friend's dad, and his boss, essentially.

So, needless to say he's a nervous fucking wreck when he opens the door on Saturday to Claire and Cas standing there. He invites them in, and Emma pops up out of nowhere pulling Claire up to her room with Cas yelling after them to call him immediately if something's wrong.

"Everything will be alright. And if it's not, I'll be right here and we'll call you." Dean says in reassurance.

"I know." Cas sighs. "I know the odds are highly improbable that something would happen again. I'm being ridiculous and I know it, I just can't help it."

"It's hard to back up and take a look at logic when it's your own kid, trust me I know. When Emma had to have her tonsils out, I hovered for a solid month. I'm surprised she didn't murder me in my sleep." Dean says, and okay this is easy, talking about the kids.

"Yes, well she insists that she can take care of herself now, so I guess I'm no longer needed." Cas says, but he's smiling a little so Dean knows he's not completely serious.

But Dean says "you'll always be needed" anyway, because he will be, and he should know that.

Cas nods once, and then they're just looking at each other again. After a minute Cas says "well I better go" and turns around and is out the door before Dean can even say anything.

So, in a reverse of last weekend, Dean follows him onto the porch. He says "Cas" and when Cas turns around to look at him from the top of the steps, he says "do you need anything?" And he doesn't know if he means physically, or emotionally, or relatively, but he probably means them all and just wants to give Cas whatever he needs.

Cas stares at him for a minute, and then another minute, and then he shrugs with his hands spread out in front of him and says "I just need time, Dean." And then he's down the steps and to his truck and Dean doesn't even know what to make of that.

The afternoon and evening go well. They order chinese food for dinner because Claire says that's all she's been dreaming about since her surgery, and Emma agrees that it sounds good. Afterward, the three of them hang out in the livingroom watching movies together until the girls are yawning and barely hanging on, so Dean sends them upstairs to bed.

*

Dean's in the middle of another movie when he hears a knock at the door. It's late, so he's a little worried about it, and he pauses the tv and heads to the foyer to look through the peephole.

He opens the door, and Cas is standing there in a disheveled tshirt and jeans, and he looks sad and upset and like he hasn't slept in days, which makes no sense because Dean just saw him that afternoon and he did not look like that.

"Cas, what-" Dean starts, but doesn't even get a chance to ask.

"Why?" Cas says, staring in at him with pain in his eyes.

"Why what?"

"Why did you leave? Why-" Cas' voice cracks. "Why didn't you say goodbye?"

He knew this would probably come eventually, but he thought since Cas hadn't brought it up yet that maybe he wasn't going to.

"Does it matter, now?" Dean asks, stepping away from the door and walking into the livingroom. He hears Cas close the door and follow him.

"Yes."

"Why, Cas? Why does it matter? It was seventeen years ago. You've moved on, I've... it doesn't matter anymore." Dean says, shaking his head and turning back to him. It hurts, all of it. It's too hard and too much and he just can't do this. He should've never let himself back into Cas' life. All he does is ruin things, and Cas deserves better.

Cas is just standing there, looking at Dean with heartache written on his face, and it fucking hurts so much.

"You broke my heart. I think I deserve to know why." The tears in his eyes send a crack through Dean's chest. He's right, he deserves to know. He deserves more than that; he deserves everything. As hard as it is to talk about, Dean's just going to have to do it, because it's not fair for Cas to hurt over this when it wasn't his fault, when he did nothing wrong.

Dean sits on the edge of the couch, arms resting on his thighs, head bowed. "You're right." He makes a motion to the end of the couch and waits for Cas to sit down.

Cas is silent while Dean gathers his thoughts, and his courage. "Back then, the day I left, my dad found out about us." He says quietly, not raising his head. "I don't know how he found out, but he did. And when he confronted me, I couldn't deny it. Couldn't deny you. You didn't know how bad it was, before. Nobody did. But, when he found out..." 

Dean takes a breath and let's it out slowly, shaking his head and looking off into the distance as he remembers. "He beat me until I could barely move. Then he made me pack our stuff, shoved us in the car, and we took off. He told me-" Dean's breath stutters at the memory. "He told me if I ever tried to contact you, he'd make sure I couldn't do it again. I didn't know if that was a threat against you or me, but either way it was effective."

There are tears on Dean's face, and he swipes at them. "I couldn't let him hurt you. And I couldn't leave Sam there on his own with him. I was the only thing stopping Dad from hurting him too." Tears are falling freely now, and Dean just let's them. "I'm so sorry, Cas. Giving you up, giving up the only person I've ever really loved, was the hardest thing I've ever done. But I had to."

Cas' arms are around him then, and he's crying into Cas' chest, tears staining his shirt. Dean hasn't cried in a long time, not really, not like this. And now that it's started, he doesn't know how to make it stop.

\----

Neither are aware of the two girls sitting at the top of the stairs listening, arms around each other and tears in their eyes.

\----

Cas holds Dean as he cries, reeling from this new information, his own silent tears falling.

He hadn't known. He knew John was a drunk, that he was hardly ever around, and that they barely got by, but he had no idea he'd been violent. Dean apparently hid that very well, because he really had no clue.

Dean's hands are fisted in his shirt, and Cas pulls him closer until Dean is basically in his lap. "It's okay, Dean. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made you talk about it. I'm so sorry. You're okay. I'm sorry." Cas' face is pressed into Dean's hair and his words are muffled but he just keeps saying things like that while rocking them as Dean cries, and he cries.

It's a long while later, when Cas' shirt is soaked through, and they've both cried out everything they had, when Dean climbs off of him mumbling something about water and disappearing into the kitchen.

Cas gets up and follows a moment later, because after all of that, being away from Dean is just not an option right now.

He watches Dean dig in the fridge for bottles, then sets two of them on the island. Dean takes a drink from one, and looks at Cas, then looks away like he can't stand it.

Cas approaches, the island the only thing separating them. "I've spent so long mad at you, blaming you, trying to make myself hate you, and none of it was your fault." Cas knows his voice sounds awed, because he is. He's amazed that Dean never wanted to leave him, and ashamed that he ever believed Dean would, and guilty and sad and happy and every other emotion all crammed into one. It's overwhelming.

"It was, though. I could've denied it. Or figured out some way to get you a message. Sent you a letter. Anything. Anything would've been better than the nothing I left you with. I could've tried, I was just too scared to risk it." Dean says, and he still won't look at Cas.

"You had good reason to be, and though I can't say I'm glad you didn't do those things, I understand it now at least." Cas steps to the side a little, wanting so bad to make his way around this barrier.

"Damnit, I don't get a free pass because my dad was an asshole. I should've done _something_." Dean says emphatically, slapping the counter for emphasis.

"And, if you had?" Cas says. "Say you'd sent a message, and he found out, and did who knows what to you. Do you think I could've forgiven myself for putting you through that?"

"It wouldnt have been your fault" is of course Dean's reply, because the self sacrificing beautiful man can't see that there was nothing he could've done that wouldn't have caused Cas pain. He had to make a decision, and made the best possible one he could at the time.

"Yes, it would have been. It would've been a direct result of something to do with me. Dean, please just listen to me. I don't blame you. I forgive you."

"You shouldn't." Dean says, and Cas can tell he honestly believes that. Believes that he deserves to feel like shit about this forever, and Cas cannot let that happen. Seventeen years is long enough.

Cas takes the last few steps around the island and crowds into Dean's space, turning him until they're face to face. He reaches up and places a hand on either side of Dean's face, and Dean closes his eyes.

"Listen to me, because you need to hear this and you need to believe it, because like I told you, I don't say things I don't mean. Are you listening?" When Dean nods, Cas says what's he needs to say.

"Dean Winchester, I love you. I loved you seventeen years ago when you made me feel like the most important person in your world. I loved you even when you left, when it hurt not to see you or even hear your voice. I loved you through all those years of heartache. I loved you the second you opened that door for me all those weeks ago. And I love you right now, standing here, even more than I thought possible, because of everything you said. You protected us as best you could, and gave up something you wanted in order to do that, and I will never ever be able to tell you how admirable that is. You're right, I shouldn't forgive you because there's nothing to forgive. You did nothing wrong."

Tears are streaming down Dean's face again, and his eyes are still closed, so Cas leans forward and very gently places a kiss to his lips. He pulls back a little and wipes Dean's tears from his eyes and cheeks as Dean's hands come up to rest on his hips.

"Cas" Dean breathes out, voice shakey, and finally, finally opens his eyes and Cas can see the beautiful brilliant green shining. "Hey" he says quietly.

"Hello, Dean." Cas says, and Dean's mouth quirks up in a small smile. Cas' hands slide down to Dean's neck, and then they're just standing there, so close, staring into each others eyes and it feels like he's finally _home_. 

Dean leans in and presses another soft kiss against Cas' lips. "I love you, too. God, I've never stopped loving you." He says.

And then they're really kissing, and it's wonderful and beautiful and so perfect. Dean's lips are soft and warm against his, and when Dean dips is tongue into Cas' mouth and grips his hips to pull them tighter together, Cas moans his assent.

He never wants it to end, but his emotional exhaustion is overpowering his want, and he knows Dean has to be feeling the same. They part slowly, with sweet light kisses until they're resting their foreheads together with eyes closed and just soaking up the other's presence.

"You should sleep." Cas says. Dean makes an agreeable noise, and Cas can feel him waning in his arms.

"Will you stay, to sleep? I just, I'm not ready... I don't want to let you go yet." Dean says quietly, like if he speaks too loudly it will shatter the moment.

"You never have to let me go again." Cas says, then he's backing up and taking Dean's hand to lead him upstairs.

In Dean's room, they silently strip down to boxers and tshirts and climb into the bed. Cas pulls Dean into his arms, Dean's head pillowed on his chest, and drifts off to sleep with his face pressed into Dean's hair.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: explicit sexual content

Dean wakes up tangled in Cas, and it's probably the most amazing feeling in the world, after being a father. He lays there for a while just soaking it up, reveling in it. He's wanted Cas for as long as he can remember, and here he is, so gorgeous and sleep rumpled and perfect.

After a while, he carefully untangles himself and slides out of bed, hitting the bathroom before heading downstairs. He's sure the girls will be up soon, so he'd better get started on breakfast, and coffee because that's a necessity for mornings.

He's got music playing, bacon's cooked, fried potatoes done, and he's halfway through the pancake batter when the girls stumble into the kitchen laughing.

"Morning ladies, grab a seat, breakfast will be ready soon." Dean says, pointing at the table with his spatula. Emma gives him a 'why are you so happy' look before sitting at the table, and Dean just turns back to the stove and sings along with the music, unable to wipe the smile off his face.

Dean is just sliding the last pancake onto a plate when the girls suddenly grow quiet. He turns around, and Cas is standing in the kitchen doorway, half asleep still, and looking amazing in Dean's sweatpants.

"Mornin' Cas." Dean says, then turns the stove off and pours another cup of coffee and adds cream and sugar. He puts it into Cas' hands, and steers him to the table.

Cas sits down, and the girls are just staring at him for a minute before Claire says "good morning, dad" almost like a question.

"Morning Claire, Emma." Cas says all properly, even nodding toward them, before taking a drink of his coffee.

The girls are looking at each other and grinning, and Dean turns back to grab the food with his own smile on his face. He lays the plates full of food out on the table, then takes his own seat.

"So, you stayed the night?" Claire asks her dad, while piling her plate full.

"I did." Cas says, but doesn't elaborate, and Dean can't help but laugh to himself.

"And, where'd you sleep? Because we walked by the guest room on the way down here, and it was empty." Claire says, purposely avoiding looking at her dad.

Dean chuckles out loud this time, and Cas shoots him a grumpy morning glare which just makes him laugh harder.

Cas doesn't even respond though, just starts putting food on his plate. Emma is looking at Dean, and he finally says "jesus, calm down. We just slept." Claire tilts her head in a very Cas like fashion, and Dean says "seriously, he came over to talk, it got late, and we went to sleep. Now eat your damn breakfast and stop looking at me."

Cas still doesn't say a word, but Dean can see a small smile on his face as he starts eating.

It's hard to not reach over and touch him, run a hand down his arm or lay it on his leg, especially after having him in his arms all night, but he doesn't. He's not really sure what they are, or what they're actually going to tell the girls, so he just eats his breakfast and keeps his hands to himself, figuring they'll talk about it later.

The girls don't say anything else about it then, they just keep giving each other looks. Once their plates are empty, Claire clears her throat and looks at them seriously until she has both of their attention.

"So, what is this exactly?" She asks, pointing between the two of them. So much for he and Cas talking about it first.

Dean looks to Cas, but Cas is staring back at his daughter all serious like. "Dean and I are together." He says, and Dean feels giddy. "And I figured you two would be happy about that, seeing as you've been pushing us together since the first day."

"What?!" Dean says, because what? What the hell?

"The girls" Cas says, nodding toward them but looking at Dean now "have been pushing us together since they found out we dated in highschool."

There are exclamations from Emma and Claire, but Cas is looking at Dean like he knows something, and he probably does because, hello, Cas has always been fucking smart.

Dean turns his stare on his daughter, but she won't look at him now. "What the hell, Em?"

"How did you-?" Claire says with wide eyes.

"I figured it out after I dropped you off yesterday. The times you disappeared upstairs, leaving us alone. The lying, to get us in the same place. Whenever I'd tell you I wasn't staying, or when Dean didn't come to breakfast with us, you'd look disappointed. The talk, in the hospital." Cas says, and Dean is fucking confused and impressed as hell at both their daughters, and Cas for figuring it out.

"Sorry, daddy." Emma says, still looking down.

"I'm not. And neither is Emma. We knew you'd be perfect together if you'd just get your heads out of your-"

"Claire!" Cas interrupts.

Claire holds up her hands in surrender. "Okay, I'm sorry for lying, but come on, it all worked out."

"Go upstairs" Cas says to them both, and he's so stern and commanding that Dean almost stands up and goes with them.

Once the girls are gone, Dean looks over at Cas and watches as his serious face fades away into a heart melting grin.

"Jesus Cas" Dean stands up and pulls Cas up with him before crashing their mouths together. Cas feels so fucking good in his arms, and he pulls him tighter until there's no space left between any part of them.

Cas backs him up until he's pressed against the fridge, and Cas is pushed up against his front and Dean can feel every goddamn inch of him and he wants him so fucking bad. Cas wedges his leg between Dean's thighs and rolls his hips and Dean drops his head back on a moan, while Cas kisses down his neck.

His hands are grabbing onto any part of Cas he can reach, as Cas kisses back up and seals their lips together again. When they part, they're both panting and Dean thinks he's never been so turned on in his life.

"Fuck, I want you." Cas says, voice deep and growly, echoing Dean's exact thoughts. Dean kisses him again then pulls away and grabs his phone off the counter. "What're you doing? Cas asks, and he's flushed and breathing hard and Dean needs him so much.

"Gimme one sec." Dean says as he types out a text to Charlie.

 **Dean** : I need you to come pick up Em and Claire for a "surprise girls day". Nails, hair, whatever the fuck you want, I'm paying.

As always, he gets a response back within seconds, and god does he love his best friend.

 **Charlie** : On my way

Dean puts his phone down and smiles at Cas. "The girls are going out."

Cas just stares at him with lust blown eyes, and attacks his mouth again. They kiss up against the counter until they're interrupted.

"What's up bitche- oh!" Charlie says, and they pull apart and look at her, and she's grinning. "I see."

"Shuddup" Dean says, but he can't wipe the smile off his face. He pulls out his wallet and hands Charlie his credit card while yelling for Emma and Claire to come downstairs.

When they come into the kitchen, Charlie tells them she has a surprise planned and to get dressed, and within 10 minutes they're all gone and Dean is left alone with Cas standing in the foyer.

\----

He can see Dean is a little nervous now. "We don't have to do anything, if you don't want to. If it's too fast or whatever" Dean says.

Too fast? Cas has been waiting seventeen years to have Dean again, they couldn't be slower if they'd tried. He wants him, more than he's ever wanted anything, and he's going to have him.

"Shut up Dean." Cas says with fondness, and Dean shuts up. Cas grabs his hand and pulls him upstairs into his room.

Cas is on him the second the door is closed. He's pushed Dean up against it and Cas is pulling at his shirt until he lifts his arms and let's him pull it over his head. He gets the same back, and when their lips meet again their bare chests press together and it feels so damn good.

Grabbing ahold of Dean's hips, Cas spins them around and pushes Dean backward until they hit the bed, then gently pushes against his chest until Dean is laying down. Cas climbs over him, and kisses him again like his life, or his sanity, depends on it, and it probably does at this point.

He kisses down Dean's chest, licking his nipple and sucking it into his mouth, pulling it between his teeth gently and Dean's back arches off the bed with a moan. He does the same to the other side, then continues kissing his way down. Once he gets to the hem of Dean's pants, he pulls them and his boxers off and finally has a sight full of Dean, all of Dean, and shit it's a wonderful sight.

He's beautiful, muscled and soft in all the right places, his cock hard and leaking against his stomach. Cas leans down and kisses around Dean's groin, before making his way back up to Dean's mouth. Dean is pulling on his pants, so he breaks away for a minute to divest himself of them, and then finally, _finally_ their naked bodies are pressed together, Dean's cock sliding against his own, and it feels so fucking good, but he wants so much more.

Cas presses his mouth to Dean's neck, kissing and sucking on it until he's left a claiming mark that shoots possessive desire straight down to his cock.

"Cas" Dean says, and is pulling on him until Cas looks at him.

"What's wrong?" He looks concerned, but his eyes are blown wide with lust and he's panting and Cas can see that he wants this.

"Uh, I just... it's been a long time, since I've done this." Dean says, and Cas realizes he means sex with a man.

"How long?" Cas asks, because it's important he knows how easy to take it.

"Well, somewhere around seventeen years." Dean says with a blush.

He realizes that Dean's saying he hasn't been with a man since himself, and the possessiveness swells bigger in his chest knowing that he's the only man who's ever been inside him. "Jesus Dean" is all he can breathe out, before his lips are attached to Dean's again.

When he kisses back to Dean's neck again, Dean says "I think I might have a condom in my wallet, but it's been a really long time so I don't know if it's any good."

"I'm clean, it's been a long time." Cas says, and looks into Dean's eyes so he knows he's being honest.

"Me too." Dean replies, and that's good enough for him, so he kisses back down to Dean's cock, and licks his tongue against the head, the flavor of Dean bursting on his tongue.

Dean moans above him, and Cas takes him into his mouth because he loves to suck cock and it's been way too long, even longer since he had Dean's and that's all he's ever wanted. While he licks and sucks and works his tongue around, Dean shifts above him and is pressing a bottle of lube into Cas' hand.

Continuing to suck Dean down, Cas covers his fingers in the lube and warms it up before pressing a digit against Dean's hole. He can feel Dean tense, so he doubles down his efforts with his mouth and when Dean relaxes, he easily slides one finger in up to the first knuckle. He works it around until he can get it all the way in, stretches him some more, and gently pushes in another one.

Cas' hair is being gripped, so he pulls off and looks up at Dean, and can see he's close, so he focuses on bringing him pleasure with his fingers, making sure to rub against his prostate on every couple of passes.

Dean is trembling and moaning and pushing down against his fingers and by the time he gets a third one in Dean is babbling and begging and it's turning Cas on even more. His own cock is throbbing and leaking between his legs, and he wants to be inside Dean so fucking bad but he holds himself off and works to stretch Dean out even more until he can get a fourth one in.

"Cas please, _please_ , I need you. Please, fuck me. _Cas_." Dean keeps saying, begging, and Cas can't take anymore. He's pretty sure Dean is ready, so he pulls his fingers out, eliciting a whine from Dean, slicks himself up with the lube, and shoves a pillow under Dean's hips. He lines himself up, and when Dean nods at him, he slowly, torturously slowly, slides into him until he's fully seated.

It's taking everything he has not to just pound into Dean's amazing heat, but he holds on, his grip tight against Dean's hips. He loosens his grip, and drops down onto his hands until he can kiss Dean, which is a good distraction for a moment.

Dean starts pushing down against him, so Cas slowly rolls his hips and Dean bucks up. His thrusts start slow, but build up quickly, punching breathy moans out of both of them.

"Yes, Cas, yes. Baby, please, harder." Dean says, grabbing onto any part of Cas he can reach, so Cas thrusts in harder and faster and Dean's back arches, chest pressing against his.

He can feel Dean's legs wrap around his waist, and a moment later they tighten and Cas is being flipped over, and Dean is on top of him, and fuck if that isn't the most beautiful sight he's ever seen.

Dean rolls his hips and grinds down, and now Cas is the one begging. " _Dean_. Fuck, yes." Cas' hands grip Dean's hips again, and he plants his feet on the bed and thrust up into Dean each time he bounces down.

Cas knows he's getting close, can feel the pull in his groin. "Dean" he moans in warning. "Touch yourself." Because he can't focus enough to pull his hands off of Dean's hips.

"Don't need to. Never need to with you. So close, baby. Right there, just a little more." Dean says, grinding down on him.

Cas grips Dean even harder and flips them over again. He pulls up to his hands and knees and angles himself just right then starts pounding into Dean's prostate with every thrust.

Dean is incoherent and shaking, nails digging into Cas' biceps, and Cas is so fucking close to losing it when Dean throws his head back in pleasure, come spurting out all over his stomach, yelling Cas' name, and Cas let's go, thrusts in a couple more times and he's coming inside Dean. It's the most intense orgasm of his life.

He slows down as he works them through it, arms trembling, barely able to hold himself up. When the waves of pleasure have stopped, Dean grabs him around the middle and he slides out as Dean pulls him down until they're laying next to each other, pressed close.

Once they've caught their breath, Dean is gently kissing him all over his face, his cheeks, eyes, nose, forehead, lips, and Cas smiles contentedly. "God I missed you" Dean whispers, and Cas just snuggles in closer, happy.

After a minute, he can hear Dean's breathing even out so he let's himself fall into a light sleep. 

When they wake from their nap, they take a nice hot slow shower together. Dean brings him to orgasm with his mouth, that fucking mouth that Cas missed so much and none has ever been able to compare to, and Cas returns the favor. They're dressed and cuddling on the couch by the time the girls come home.


	13. Chapter 13

It's been almost two months since he and Dean had worked through what happened and finally got together, and it has been amazing. Probably the most amazing couple of months of his life.

He and Claire spend a lot of time over at Dean's house with he and Emma, and none of them ever seem to tire of each other. It's always, always hard to date when you have a kid, but somehow this is not. They flow together seemlessly. That's not to say they don't have their disagreements, but they're always easily resolved with no hard feelings, and Cas revels in the effortlessness of it all.

Summer break is upon them, and Dean wants to have a barbecue with just the four of them to celebrate, so Cas and Claire head over to their house in the late afternoon.

They prepare the food, all working around each other in the kitchen, joking and laughing and playing, and it's perfect. When Dean goes outside to grill, Cas finishes up inside with the girls, and they're all sitting down at the patio table on the deck as the sun is going down behind the trees.

As they're eating, Emma is talking to Claire, and he and Dean are just enjoying the evening, but Cas starts to pay attention when he hears a few words that Emma is saying.

"So since it's summer, you can start staying here a lot more." Emma says to Claire. "Like, all the time. You should even bring all your clothes and stuff so you don't have to go back to your house."

"That would be awesome!" Claire says excitedly.

"Uh, Claire, I don't think-" Cas starts, but Emma cuts him off.

"You can come too of course" she says, flicking her eyes to Cas, before focusing back on Claire. "It'll be great! We can set you up in the guest room so you'd even have your own space."

Cas looks at Dean for backup, but Dean just continues to eat his burger, not even looking up or acknowledging their conversation.

"Oh, and I'm sure daddy can get an extra desk in his office so you can just work from here." Emma says to Cas, and Cas looks to Dean again. He can feel his eyes widen, gaze flicking back and forth between the three other people at the table, but Dean still isn't saying anything, still doesn't look up from his food.

"Emma-" Cas tries, but is cut off again.

"I'm sure you'll love it" Emma continues to talk. "You could probably just stay once school starts again too. Seriously, it'll be so awesome."

Cas really needs some backup here, so he looks to Dean again. "Dean!" Cas says, and finally Dean looks up at him. "Are you listening to your daughter?"

"Hmm?" Dean says. "Oh, yeah, I heard." He wipes his hands off, and looks at Emma.

"And?" Cas asks, desperate now. What the hell is going on?

"And" Dean says, turning his gaze to Cas "I think it sounds like a good idea."

"What?" Cas asks, confused. A good idea? Emma was essentially telling them to move in!

"You see" Dean says, as he slides out of his chair and down onto one knee in front of Cas.

Cas' heart is pounding so hard he's shaking. "Dean?"

"I've gone seventeen long years without you in my life. A day has never gone by that I haven't thought about you, or missed you, or wanted you, and I never want to be without you again. I love you so fucking much. You and Claire are already family, and Emma and I would like to make it official. Cas, will you marry me?" Dean's hand slides into his pocket and pulls out a little black box, and when he opens it Cas sees a silver ring gleaming inside.

He's speechless. Surprise and joy overwhelm him, and he's so fucking happy right now he doesn't ever think he'll feel this amazing again.

"Yes" Cas says, reaching out for Dean and pulling him into his arms. He barely registers the squeals coming from their daughters. "Yes, of course." He's crying now, just a few tears, but tears of joy, and Dean's laughing in his arms.

Cas finally loosens his grip for Dean to pull back, and Dean is sliding the ring onto his finger. Dean is grinning at him, and Cas can feel a huge smile on his own face as he leans forward and kisses Dean.

"I love you." Cas says, because what else is there to say? He has everything he's ever wanted right here.

"I love you too." Dean says.

Perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it. Thank you so much for reading, and I really hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Comments and kudos are much appreciated!


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